Yeah, we'd definitely think about asking for her hand in marriage or just have sex with her. Whatevs.

Here's an alleged screen shot of the Jimmy Kimmel sex tape. It's okay if you don't believe it exists, because it probably doesn't. We hope it doesn't.

Just put a meat bone in her hand and Sarah Jessica Parker looks just as sexy as Dee Snider in Twisted Sister. Here she is on the set of the new Sex & The City 2, during a flashback of sorts to the 80s, when she was uglier.

If you're wondering who Leighton Meester is, this is her. TMZ is reporting she has a sex tape that's being shopped around Hollywood. And it involves her feet. Sexy!

We don't pay attention to Kourtney Kardashian that much. But that's all changed with these pictures.

The editor of this newspaper has obviously never delivered a pizza to a 40-year-old woman's door and then proceeded to have sex with her.

This is not Obama. He's an Indonesian journalist. He cannot provide change. He refuses to Yes your Can.

Nikki Cox used to be our #1 squeeze. Now she's the picture of death. Rollover the picture to see what we're talking about.

Pure sex, nuff said.

Elizabeth Hasselbeck wants to change the party's symbol from the elephant to My Little Pony.

What adult just sucks a lollipop like that in public? The kind who is pregnant and afraid they will no longer be a sex symbol, that's who.

Many have speculated as to how Hayden Panettiere has not become addicted to sex, drugs and booze, the answer is she has a different addiction, eating the heads off babies.

Toe or no toe she does not look hot. The only people who would tell a girl this is a good look is another girl or a guy who is about to sex said girl.

She loves to get paid for sex or things relating to sex.

A picture that is worth a thousand words maybe but definitely not worth your 9 bucks at the theater. How does Sarah Jessica Parker stay uglier than her clothes? It seems impossible.

John Rambo kills everyone and has sex with no one.

On second thought… I changed my mind, tattoo faced husband.

This is the closest most of you will ever come to sex, enjoy it.

People who play Halo don't have sex… this is a waste of Bungie capital. As a stockholder, I say "Boo".

What happened Jennifer? You best pass that ass or we're going to change your name to Jennifer Love-Chewitt.