If Michael Bay ran the military, there would never be any more wars.

La Toya Jackson has finally obliterated any last ounce of estrogen in her body, she is now a he beast. Or, Eddie Murphy's latest girlfriend in a desperate attempt to disprove the gay tranny escapade.

The pure love, that exudes from Michael Stipe's eyes, screams "forever". Everybody hurts… but not anymore.

It's no secret that Paris Hilton has extensions – in fact, she's got her own brand!

The Golden Snub-Nosed Monkey is surprisingly cute, despite having a Michael Jackson/Skeletor nose. Lookit the little guy!!

Persian bubble-butt babe and sex tape maker extraordinaire Kim Kardashian takes her ass for a walk in some plushy pants. It's like two fat kittens wrestling down there!

GQ goes behind the scenes at the Victoria's Secret fashion show to prove that it's not secretly a gay mag.

Paris & Nikki Hilton and Nicole Richie are seen here posing with Michael Jackson. Weirder still is the old man next to them with the oxygen machine.

The "Brief Safe" can secure your cash, documents, and other small valuables from inquisitive eyes and thieving hands, both at home and when you're traveling. These specially-designed briefs contain a fly-accessed 4" x 10" secret compartment with Velcro® closure and "special markings" on the lower rear portion. Even the most hardened burglar or most curious snoop will "skid" to a screeching halt as soon as they see them — wouldn't you?

Jenna Jameson and Paris Hilton are pegged to host a new reality TV series that basically gets virgins laid. It's being made by the same guy that released the Paris Hilton sex tape, so you know it's gonna be classy.

It's called boob tape, Jessica. Look into it.

This reminds me of that Janet Jackson 'Rolling Stone' cover. Only a lot more wholesome!

Only one of many recently-inspired Michael Richards shirts

Ah, so that's the secret sauce on those McRibs!