We're not going to lie: this totally made us want to run to the bathroom, turn off the lights and hope to God nobody hears us.

The Sacremento Kings dancers are being "disciplined" for getting drunk and taking sexy pics. And the NBA wonders why no one watches.

Both of these Battlestar beauties can be found in the latest Maxim magazine, which we guess is still around and trying to make you horny.

Here are photos from January Jones' appearance in the latest GQ, a magazine we would have no interesting in buying if it wasn't for photos like these.

Mad Men star Christina Hendricks married someone this weekend. Not this guy though; he's just somebody with a cool mustache. Anyway, this picture should remind you that her new husband is probably the luckiest man alive. So is mustache man for standing next to her.

This is like the day I found out Santa wasn't real.

Here's an alleged screen shot of the Jimmy Kimmel sex tape. It's okay if you don't believe it exists, because it probably doesn't. We hope it doesn't.

Never was there such a beauty in all the land. Lindsay Lohan, apple of our stinkeye.

We just found the perfect pillow.

If you're going to show up at the Emmy's pregnant, I guess you might as well show up REALLY pregnant and just freak everybody out.

Christina: You have boobs. Show them.

Halle Berry denied she was pregnant again on the Jay Leno Show last night, putting to rest the rumors that her boobs were just big because she's having a kid. No, they're just naturally awesome like that.

Guys, don't be ashamed to buy the latest edition of Shape magazine. It's much easier to buy than Hustler.

Yes, she's one of our favorites. And yes, we don't know who that dude is standing next to her but we want to punch him in the face and steal Sophia away.

If you interrupt Barack during a session of congress he will slice off your hand.

Kanye, just let the man die in peace. Jeez.

The more she shows us her bubbly boobies.

But lay off the clown makeup, girly. Batman isn't out to get you.

I love how the two a-holes below them are posing for a picture. Those are lifetime friends.

Usually, Audrina Partridge looks dumb in the face. But not here. She just looks totally hot, and I as I type this message here with one hand, I can't help but notice that I am going to explode soon.