Her butt makes us want to cry happy tears just to know something like it exists in this horrible world.

Even though we would never be caught dead reading GQ Magazine (for fear that it will make us start dressing better!). But if they continue to populate that magazine with pictures like this, we'll get a lifetime subscription.

Shortly after this picture was taken, John McCain crapped his pants.

There's a Ross and Rachel joke here somewhere but it's best not to think too much about John Mayer banging Jennifer Aniston.

And that's not even why John Mayer dumped it her, it gets worse apparently.

John Rambo kills everyone and has sex with no one.

John Travolta is blessed by the power of Xenu. His magical thetans can transform him from "G.I Jane" to "Movie Flop" instantly.

Miss Jessica was seen partying like a single gal (John Mayer dumped her!) at PURE nightclub in Vegas recently. When's she selling a blow-up doll of herself?

I once overdosed on sexy. But then John Travolta brought me back by stabbing my chest with a needle. I'm cool now.

Jared Leto got fat for his role as John Lennon's killer. Then he got skinny for his roll as rock music killer. Because he's a douche.

We'd scream too if we thought John Travolta from Battlefield Earth was holding us.