Want to hook up with Jesus.

If you're going to show up at the Emmy's pregnant, I guess you might as well show up REALLY pregnant and just freak everybody out.

I'm totally going to get myself a pair because I just really like to get down like a freak.

It seems like all the weight just goes to her boobs. And her face. And arms. Ass. Legs. Stomach. Jesus H. Christ, this girl's a hot mess.

If this doesn't inspire you to lose some freaking weight, I don't know what will.

Devendra Banhart is the luckiest guy in the freak folk scene, that's not saying much but still.

This is how Jesus really lived his life, as a tricky illusionist.

Jesus hated your baseball team and by rooting for them you offended his holiness. Plus he was betting on the other guys.

Bush once said he spoke to god and why wouldn’t he, he is Jesus after all. NOW PASS THAT BREAD!

This picture was drawn with one continuous line. Yeah, you're jealous.

"3 days my ass, you get back here you sneaky devil! Set your Proton Packs to resurrection!"

Jesus could walk on water, so what? We have yet to see a picture of Jesus performing any miracles while rocking a cool pair of board shorts.

A world-renowned gay bar caught fire this week. In typical fashion, the gays used it as en excuse to party and freak out the squares. Tom Cruise had no comment.

Fergie looks like the poster child for the Theory of Evolution. Who walks like this and what's with those curlers? Jesus!

Thank God this guy took the time to make his custom rims beautiful. Now that's some fine airbrushing!

Pam Anderson and David Spade were caught playing "slutty Hooters girl and handsy buffalo wings lover" recently, and now I'm totally freaked out. Gross.

Weee-ooooo, weee-ooooo... looks like Jesus called the Fashion Police!

Masha Tyelna is a 17-year-old model from the Ukraine, and is considered to have the largest eyes in the modeling world! I'm scared!!

Leave it to Jessica Simpson to make cleavage look sultry yet painful at the same time. I can't take my eyes off her boobs, which is good, 'cause I'm deathly afraid of her orange freak-face.

Actually that's Sanjaya's sister. But she's pretty freaking hot, right?