Avert your eyes!?! Get sexy with yourself!?! We can't tell what's going on here either.

Just face it: you will never get a girl as hot as Hayden, just continue to be a big fat dork.

We really don't know why strippers are allowed to have kids if they can't match their shoes.

Rupert Everett allegedly got a face lift. Or two or five of them.

Yes, Anna Kournikova is looking at your love handles and thinking she definitely doesn't want to bang you.

We're not sure what these Rolling Stone magazines photos of a couple Gossip Girls is trying to infer here...they like licking ice cream? Candy? They like things in their mouths!?! What? We totally don't get this.

Somebody is a bit too eager to get a piece of Britney Spears' new body.

Lindsay Lohan's getting skinnier, yet bigger. How does that happen?

If this girl gets any more hot she's gonna blow up -- the world! Hey ohhhhhh!

Here's a couple pictures of Audrina that will hopefully convince you to lose weight and/or get boob implants to prepare yourself for spring break.

I'm totally going to get myself a pair because I just really like to get down like a freak.

Jenna used to be the hottest girl in the world. Then she got anorexic. And now she's pregnant, and possibly hot again. Maybe we just like pregnant chicks these days.

Now this is a political movement we can get behind. Hey ohhhhhhh!

Use these photos to inspire yourself to get thin this New Year!

Jessica Simpson has lost about 30 pounds, and has obviously be working out – she's got the calves to prove it!

Get it? Because the Illinois Governor is a crook and the sofa shop is having a sale?

Get it? Cause you can only see half her ass in the photo, and it doesn't look like she's trying very hard.

You get it? They're rednecks and they're stupid?

If you don't get this guy a present, he'll forever stare at you from across the room.

Big Brother ain't gonna get this sly birdy.