Get away you short little Oompa Loompa people. This is MY bench.

Why is Lohan dressed like a civilian from some Orwellian novel? Those silver shorts are mighty dykish looking. Shame, you know better.

Someone build these two bastards from the ground up out of legos and lonely Sunday nights. Pretty impressive if you ask us, but you didn’t… so we will shut up.

Ok, so apparently that is a man, not a short gnome woman. Whatever the case, it’s a pretty sad day in hell when a short dyke looking guy is better looking than you are. Sucks to be Brooke.

Jesus could walk on water, so what? We have yet to see a picture of Jesus performing any miracles while rocking a cool pair of board shorts.

This is the height of efficiency. There is nothing, short of giving birth, that could better demonstrate a complete control of time management.

Verne Troyer spent the weekend in Toronto getting shorter and fatter by doing as little exercise as possible. Yeah.. We know he is short, but he is a midget, not a paraplegic!

What kind of coach would stick his hands down your shorts during a team picture!? … and where would one go to sign up for such a team?

In what can only be described as a Photoshop miracle, the staff at Steppin Out made Griffin look… well sexy. We are assuming a super computer, unavailable to the general public, was used to manage the massive amount of digital paint needed to accomplish this feat!

DER!!! DER DER DERRRRRRR! Jessica annoying to ride next to on the short bus.

Thank god she's back to her skanky roots.

More fun than Virgin Air! (Just don't tell the pilot to eat your shorts.)

Short text$3,625 a month for rent? Jeez, K-dawg, where were you staying?

Short textParis really knows how to dance -- and act like a drunk, pantsless whore!