Or at least a well staged photograph.

Yeah, we'd definitely think about asking for her hand in marriage or just have sex with her. Whatevs.

100% more Annoying or a 100% Fierce? We'd like to punch her in the face either way - in a total non-wife-beat-y sort of way!

We look and look and look at this photo but we have NO idea whether or not she has gut. Are we blind? Or do we just expect our bikini guts these days to be as flat as flat can be? We're picking up a Victoria Secret catalog to find out.

The Sacremento Kings dancers are being "disciplined" for getting drunk and taking sexy pics. And the NBA wonders why no one watches.

Here are photos from January Jones' appearance in the latest GQ, a magazine we would have no interesting in buying if it wasn't for photos like these.

And if you're nice she might even show you that she's wearing no panties.

She's still hot with or without clothes.

Halle Berry denied she was pregnant again on the Jay Leno Show last night, putting to rest the rumors that her boobs were just big because she's having a kid. No, they're just naturally awesome like that.

This Real Housewife of Atlanta Super MILF is so about gay rights she's showing her boobs. Which makes sense! Boobs = GAY IS AWESOME, or something.

She must suck blood or something because those eyes definitely say "I'M NOT HUMAN. THERE IS SOMETHING WEIRD ABOUT ME."

Here's Lindsay Lohan on the set of her new movie Machete. How she's working again we have no idea. All we know is that she sucks at using spray tan.

We have no idea why she's famous other than the fact that when you look at her it's like you're seeing an angel. An angel with a hot ass and really nice boobs.

Did K-Fed eat his kids or something? Dude is fat! In his defense though, fat people are considered "healthy" in his hometown of DouchebagVille.

Swimmer Ricky Berens accidentally split his uniform at the Fina World Championship in Rome. Or he just trying to use the swimming pool as a giant toilet. Who knows?

...or she wants to lick Quentin Tarantino's face. Which is it?

Is that hair or just part of the bikini we're looking at? Confused.

She's either jumpin' or bangin'. Wait -- she's doing both!

Imagine walking into your office and seeing this. What would you do? Masturbate or run away as far as you can?

Today, we're all Michael Jackson. Or we mourn Michael Jackson. Ah, whatever. We're just really, really sad.