How fat do you have to be in order for a DSL line to have trouble downloading your picture? This fat.

While taking a dump on your friends, it is always polite to bring reading material for both you and your toilet.

Oh Paris, that stunning shade of "Recently gave a blow job" red really accents your smile… and the fact that you're an idiot.

This new F1 lawnmower is built for speed, comfort and the expedient removal of your limbs.

Building a bridge over a river bed, because you think you're the man? Well Nature came up and just crap slapped you. Sit your ass down!

What are the chances that a football player would come barreling down the sidelines? Actually pretty good, but the odds of another cameraman catching your "oh crap" face… that’s just gold.

This is the highest pinnacle of parenting possible. Any of you Nancy boys who "love" and "care" for your child are just a bunch of tools.

We are not quite sure what this is, but its somewhat cute and incapable of running away. The excellent pet for your favorite Socialite.

Candy Flavored sex toys are nothing new, but this is the first time you can stick candy corn up your corn hole.

Woody Allen has finally opened his own school for girls… lucky bastards.

Can you imagine waking up in the middle of the night, only to find this creature rummaging through your trash bin? Ewww!

There is way too much sexy here for words, but let us start with 'Rough".

This is why swimming with dolphins is never a good idea. Just what the hell are you supposed to do when you find out your idiot wife signed you up for the wrong "experience"?

Chest Burster baby is adorable. Who doesn't want to just wrap him around your face?

Cavemen everywhere will find this attractive, wood laid GPS, the perfect addition when your hunting for women. Or, when you are Corey Feldman.

"3 days my ass, you get back here you sneaky devil! Set your Proton Packs to resurrection!"

"Oh lady you don't know what you have done here. I am going to eat the hell out of your shoes. Prepare yourself!"

What this picture doesn't show is the after math of this little "experiment". Imagine hours of pulling splinters out of your peen.

Now this is a school! Forget to do your homework? Not a problem. Apparently all you have to do is go down on the teacher and INSTANT A! They don’t even seem shy about this policy either.

Wow, it looks like a huge swollen pair of lips with lipstick only on the upper lip. Of course you have to blur your vision to see it, but how else are you expected to look at a fat person?