Here's Miss Moss looking atrocious, possibly at Glastonbury, wearing hideous Size -2 vinyl pants, Mick Jagger's discarded old black v-neck tee, and some sort of nasty lace shoulder jacket possibly stolen from a Goth linebacker. No wonder she's in love with a junky.

Dope perspective! *Rubs eyes*

Sarah Michelle Gellar (or SMG as I call her) was caught on camera with the reddest eyes this side of Jamaica. She was hanging out with Mischa Barton, mayhaps?

Masha Tyelna is a 17-year-old model from the Ukraine, and is considered to have the largest eyes in the modeling world! I'm scared!!

White people are always keeping the black man down.

Leave it to Jessica Simpson to make cleavage look sultry yet painful at the same time. I can't take my eyes off her boobs, which is good, 'cause I'm deathly afraid of her orange freak-face.

Yep. More DJ AM birthday bash photos. Come on, people, it's right there on the table! I have EYES!

Sorry, but it's just kinda freaky to me!

Here's a preview of the DVD packaging for Borat! Looks likes it's straight off the black market!

Rose McGowan showed up at a Oscars afterparty with some weird bandaid under her eye. Girl is looking rough!

Celebrate black history with your favorite types of soul food. Delicious!

Liver spots? Check. Bags under the eyes? Check. Sagging mouth? Check. Creepy old lady neck? Check. Looks like Goldie Hawn should be CHECKing in at her plastic surgeon!

Here's Paris and Nicole, BFFs since they were wee ones. See, Nicole really IS black!

At one time, Paris used a fake Ohio ID. The weirdest part? It lists her eyes as green, even though she has naturally brown eyes and wears blue contacts!

The "Brief Safe" can secure your cash, documents, and other small valuables from inquisitive eyes and thieving hands, both at home and when you're traveling. These specially-designed briefs contain a fly-accessed 4" x 10" secret compartment with Velcro® closure and "special markings" on the lower rear portion. Even the most hardened burglar or most curious snoop will "skid" to a screeching halt as soon as they see them — wouldn't you?

I think she should just slap an eyepatch on that and get herself some pirate street-cred.

Even cartoons can have wonky eyes.

Oh now we see just fine.

Looks like Paris's wonky lazy eye gets kicked into overhaul when she's wasted! These are real before-and-after photos of her recent night out at Teddy's.

It's like magic shoes for the white and rhythmless! Don't leave home without it!