Everybody’s favorite celebrity sluts are back for another round of slutiness. This time Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, Tara Reid and Jessica Simpson talk about the latest gossip on their cellphones!

Watch Nixon and Monkey party till they puke at probably one of the coolest music festivals in the whole world, South by Southwest (SXSW). Drunktastic!

We went down to SXSW and captured live footage from Snow Patrol, We Are Scientists, Metric, Morningwood, The Kooks, The Magic Numbers.

Choose your Oscar picks and post them in your MySpace profile, Livejournal or blog. It's so cool you'll wet your pants.

We though we’d do the world some good and offer you the complete and uncensored Paris Hilton Sex Tape.

BEHOLD! Twenty or so hot chicks passing around the pigskin in skimpy lingerie.

It seems as if the celebrities this year wanted to look super-duper sexy. We don’t mind.

One of Paris Hilton’s stupid boyfriends crashed her Bently into a truck. See the dumbassery unfold!

This week Dubya’s poll numbers are in the toilet, Lindsay Lohan wants to get married, Paris’ boytoy crashes a Bentley, and more celeb debauchery.

For Christmas we want Paris Hilton to give us a sponge bath.

Actually, we'd totally hit this.

We hacked Paris Hilton's cellphone. Take a look at her photos, voice mail messages, and watch videos! Hope she doesn't sue us!

Suck My News Weekly is a slanderous look at the week's news, hosted by the cranky and awesome Philip Norris.

Paris Hilton is the world’s most famous non-celebrity amateur porn star. She is beautiful, rich and gorgeously anorexic. How Paris Hilton are you?