Philip Norris discusses what kind of lesbian Lindsay Lohan will be.

Eliot Spitzer will go down in history as one of the biggest idiots in politics... ever! And he loves whores.

Lindsay Lohan got all nude on us for a photo shoot, and Philip Norris has a lot to say about it!

Watch your little girls when you watch American Idol – or else Sanjaya will turn them into the devil!

LG got up close and personal with Will Ferrell and all the stars of the upcoming film Blades of Glory. Was Will able to handle our intense tag team interviews? Watch it and find out!

Farewell Anna Nicole Smith. As we take one last look back at your life we take comfort in the fact that although your soul may have shaken off this mortal coil your silicone filled boobies will be around for centuries.

LG news takes a peek into the future to see what will become of David Beckham now that he’s calling California home.

Will K-Fed’s alleged cheating be the straw that breaks the crying, pregnant camel’s back?

In this episode, Philip Norris applauds Craigslist sex and hopes that other websites will help people get their freak on.

This week Bush will address the nation, Google loves the communists, Joaquin Phoenix almost dies, Chris Penn does die, and Clay Aiken is gay.

Suck My News Weekly is a slanderous look at the week's news, hosted by the cranky and awesome Philip Norris.