Philip Norris discusses the fact the Britney Spears might be pregnant and who the father could be.

This week Philip Norris is appalled that Jessica Alba would destroy her body by getting pregnant.

From drunk driving midgets to pregnant sandwiches, Philip Norris is bringing you the goods one celebrity jackass at a time!

Haley wrecked his car, Snakes switched to trains, and there’s no privacy at the sperm bank. Philip Norris is your man, although he’s too much of a pussy to go to the Middle East right now.

Will K-Fed’s alleged cheating be the straw that breaks the crying, pregnant camel’s back?

Food rules this week as Reese is fat, Bush is “Hungary” and Katharine McPhee can’t keep her lunch down.

This week Britney Spears might be pregnant, President Bush is unpopular with the polls, Scott Stap is a douche bag, and more signs of the Apocalypse.

This week Dick Cheney shoots a man, TomKat almost breaks up, and Kid Rock and Scott Stapp touch magic sticks. Disgusting, weird and newsworthy.

This week Angelina Jolie is pregnant, New Jersey has a new slogan, Pam Anderson hates KFC, and David Hassellhoff is getting a divorce!

This year New Year’s Eve sucks, the donut man dies, New Orleans comes back to life, and your mom looks at porn.

Suck My News Weekly is a slanderous look at the week's news, hosted by the cranky and awesome Philip Norris.