This week Lou grills Harry Potter on the final book, and finds out whether he dies or not!

This week Philip Norris talks about how Amy Winehouse hates everyone that's not white. What color is she anyway?

This week your pal Philip Norris rants about how big of an idiot Richie Sambora is for driving drunk with his 10-year-old daughter in the car.

Philip Norris discusses last week's news report about Heath Ledger's death and celebrity drinking and drug use.

Jamie Lynn Spears has gotten herself all preggers! We do not need any more Spears children in this world!

This week Philip Norris interviews Britney Spears’ kids! Are they drunk?

This week Philip Norris talks OJ, Britney and all those other people you love to hate.

Hayden from Heroes just turned 18, and Lou Berk grills her about allegations of drinking, drugs, and wild sex!

From drunk driving midgets to pregnant sandwiches, Philip Norris is bringing you the goods one celebrity jackass at a time!

Warning: Oprah Magazine’s response to the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue is not for the faint of heart (or stomach).

Britney blasts out her second baby, The Pope blasts Islam and Madonna blasts off. Philip Norris knows it all – because he’s not a stupid woman.

The Hunter’s no more, Suri is adored, and Paris is a drunken whore. Philip Norris delivers the stories, but not via a C-Section.

Food rules this week as Reese is fat, Bush is “Hungary” and Katharine McPhee can’t keep her lunch down.

The hottest new baby – that’s NOT a Scientologist!

This week Bush will address the nation, Google loves the communists, Joaquin Phoenix almost dies, Chris Penn does die, and Clay Aiken is gay.

This week somebody kills Santa, Morgan Freeman stops racism, people search for Britney Spears on the internets and Kevin Federline drives a Ferrari. Not much going on.

This week Jessica and Nick call it quits, President Bush gives a hilarious speech and Vince Vaughn is a drunk!

Suck My News Weekly is a slanderous look at the week's news, hosted by the cranky and awesome Philip Norris.

Suck My News Weekly is a slanderous look at the week's news, hosted by the cranky and awesome Philip Norris.