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This week Lou grills Harry Potter on the final book, and finds out whether he dies or not!
Haley wrecked his car, Snakes switched to trains, and there’s no privacy at the sperm bank. Philip Norris is your man, although he’s too much of a pussy to go to the Middle East right now.
Star Jones almost died this week from getting a boob job. In this episode, Philip Norris ponders a world without this very fat lady who annoys the crap out of all of us.
This week Bush will address the nation, Google loves the communists, Joaquin Phoenix almost dies, Chris Penn does die, and Clay Aiken is gay.
This year New Year’s Eve sucks, the donut man dies, New Orleans comes back to life, and your mom looks at porn.
Suck My News Weekly is a slanderous look at the week's news, hosted by the cranky and awesome Philip Norris.