This week Philip Norris gives you the lowdown on who to vote for in the upcoming election.

This week Philip Norris comments on Hugh Hefners comment about Miley Cyrus in Playboy, and how people are into some weird sex crap.

You think Batman was rich before, wait until he rakes in all of this box office money!

This week your pal Philip Norris rants about how big of an idiot Richie Sambora is for driving drunk with his 10-year-old daughter in the car.

Eliot Spitzer will go down in history as one of the biggest idiots in politics... ever! And he loves whores.

This week Philip Norris explains why you have really bad taste in movies. BTW Jared Leto is a tool.

This week Philip Norris reports on Paris Hilton's brother, Gary Coleman and the writer's strike.

Vote for Phillip Norris in 2008! He has a plan to end the war, stop a recession, and start telling polish jokes again!

Jamie Lynn Spears has gotten herself all preggers! We do not need any more Spears children in this world!

This week Britney, Paris and Jodie Foster get gay together, Scrooge McDuck is mistaken for Donald Trump and David Blaine is on drugs.

This week Britney Spears is knocked up, Tom Cruise is a Mommy, and Carson Daly is still a douche bag.

This week Philip Norris lays the smack down on Paris, Pavarotti, and Jerry Lewis!

Soccer Star David Beckham and his hot Spice Wife have settled down state side. Who better to give them a proper American greeting than Philip Norris?

Philip Norris celebrates America’s independence by saluting all the reasons we totally kick ass.

We did it. We caved in to your demands. Philip Norris has returned to the LG news desk and he has a year’s worth of stories to unleash his cranky fury on.

This week a new face is added to the LG news crew. Lou Berk, our crotchety newsman, speaks with Paris Hilton live from her Five Star Jail Cell.

What happens when Britney, Lindsay and Paris get together for a night on the town? Lasers shoot out of their noonies.

Check out this weird commercial of a lawyer advertising on TV that he wants only one client: Paris Hilton.

Girls Gone Wild creator Joe Francis is in jail – and he’s filmed a sex tape! Everything’s hot and nothing’s consensual!

Join famous director turned archeologist James Cameron as he makes an amazing discovery in Jesus’ tomb… Jesus himself!