Farewell Anna Nicole Smith. As we take one last look back at your life we take comfort in the fact that although your soul may have shaken off this mortal coil your silicone filled boobies will be around for centuries.

Paris Hilton’s belongings! We’ve found’em! You’ll want them! And most all – you’ll want to have sex with them!

In LG’s exclusive new interview with drunken Idol host Paula Abdul, she gives us her spaced out ideas on The Middle East.

Here is our take on the most ridiculous things that happened in the year 2006. Happy New Year!

LG has scored an exclusive interview with Paris Hilton. In the video she interviews none other than – PARIS HILTON! She’d make Barbara Walters proud.

The Hunter’s no more, Suri is adored, and Paris is a drunken whore. Philip Norris delivers the stories, but not via a C-Section.

In this special report, Philip Norris discusses violent video games like the upcoming Bully by Rockstar Games and tells you why they’re good for America.

Mel faces Jail, New York faces heat, and Paris faces the press (and looks dumb). Philip Norris has the latest, and doesn’t have sex with boys!

Star Jones wallows in self pity, Wacko Jacko moves to Europe and Jessica isn’t good enough for Dallas.

Philip Norris gives you the inside scoop on Lindsay, Paris and the fat sweaty guy no one likes!

Hollywood’s got our kids dressing in black face. Oh Mammy!

What’s with Tom Cruise naming his Scientology baby Suri? How about Gwyneth Paltrow’s baby, Moses? Why do celebrities insist on naming their babies such stupid names?

In this episode, Philip Norris applauds Craigslist sex and hopes that other websites will help people get their freak on.

Star Jones almost died this week from getting a boob job. In this episode, Philip Norris ponders a world without this very fat lady who annoys the crap out of all of us.

This week Philip Norris and LiquidGeneration announce that they are calling a truce with Hollywood. Who do we want to make nice with? Who do we want to continue to bash? Tune in!

This week Philip Norris unloads on the real reason LiquidGeneration is moving to Los Angeles: to bask in the God-like radiance that is Gary Booth’s Toothy Smile.

This week Hooters Casino opens in Las Vegas, a Full House actress is addicted to crystal meth, and there’s a Superbowl game or something.

This week Dubya’s poll numbers are in the toilet, Lindsay Lohan wants to get married, Paris’ boytoy crashes a Bentley, and more celeb debauchery.

Suck My News Weekly is a slanderous look at the week's news, hosted by the cranky and awesome Philip Norris.