Never was there such a beauty in all the land. Lindsay Lohan, apple of our stinkeye.

We've found pictures of all your favorite celebrities at the most horrible and embarrassing time of life: middle school. Can you see past the pimples and find your favorite (soon-to-be) celebrity?

You’re a leader. The Chosen One. The boss. Amazing. You’re a hero – the awesome ones you see in all those kick-ass action movies. So we have to ask: Which movie hero are you?

Some songs contain satanic messages when you play them backwards. Listen to some of them in all their devilish glory!

Here is Kelly, vacationing in LA with her boobs and butt. That's all we need to say because we don't even think you're looking at these words at this point.

Rebecca Gayheart and her boyfriend, Dr. McSteamy from Grey's Anatomy, were o vacation on a boat when she felt the need to inspect his all-beef thermometer. And a little boy was only 5 feet away.

It's the 2001 Britney Spears all over again in 2K9. We feel blessed.

Don't laugh. We're all obsessed with Vanessa Hudgens.

Here's Lindsay Lohan on the set of her new movie Machete. How she's working again we have no idea. All we know is that she sucks at using spray tan.

With all the camera's around them, you'd think celebrities would be careful not to trip. But we've got the video to show, famous people fall.

We kid about Lohan all the time, but never about her sideboob. We always welcome it.

We all hate PETA because they're just generally horrible and annoying. But if more of them looked like the above, we'd have reason to like them. And then bang them.

These boobs will walk all over you with 9-inch heels.

Mena Suvari is ripped! Six pack! Abs! Hotness! She has it all.

Get the Michael Jackson sleepover experience, without all that tiresome dry-humping.

So you think you've seen all of Michael Jackson's versions of the music video "Thriler" huh? Well you're not even close.

Today, we're all Michael Jackson. Or we mourn Michael Jackson. Ah, whatever. We're just really, really sad.

We bet you can't memorize them all.

All together now: THAT'S RACIST!

There’s a murderer on the loose and he’s killing all of your favorite celebrities! Look at the crime scene photos and try to guess who he killed!