Ashley Harkleroad was defeated in the first round 6-4, 6-3 by some French chick. Hairy armpits should never defeat Grade A American ass, this is will not be tolerated.

Everybody loves a good nickname. Check out the 2nd episode of our new Machinima series. Brought to you by the U.S Army.

The Los Angeles Board of Health clearly graded Kelly's ass Grade A.

Yes she says she does what she wants but does she slaughter baby seals with her bare hands??

National Geographic's upcoming special is the most awesome news from them since we saw naked African women in their magazines back in the fourth grade.

It's July 2nd, 2007, and Lindsay Lohan has finally turned 21!

This week Britney Spears might be pregnant, President Bush is unpopular with the polls, Scott Stap is a douche bag, and more signs of the Apocalypse.

Suck My News Weekly is a slanderous look at the week's news, hosted by the cranky and awesome Philip Norris.

Suck My News Weekly is a slanderous look at the week's news, hosted by the cranky and awesome Philip Norris.

Suck My News Weekly is a slanderous look at the week's news, hosted by the cranky and awesome Philip Norris.

Suck My News Weekly is a slanderous look at the week's news, hosted by the cranky and awesome Philip Norris.

Suck My News Weekly is a slanderous look at the week's news, hosted by the cranky and awesome Philip Norris.