News - Suck My News - Archived News

Perez Hilton Should Die

Archived_News_Suck_My_News ( Liquid Generation) — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 19:26:07 -0500

Like you, Philip Norris believes that Perez Hilton is an idiot.

Rating: 0/5 | 4672 views | 7 comments

News: Britney, Lindsay, and Paris' Laser Crotch

Archived_News_Suck_My_News ( Liquid Generation) — Sat, 09 Jun 2007 08:16:50 -0500

What happens when Britney, Lindsay and Paris get together for a night on the town? Lasers shoot out of their noonies.

Rating: 4/5 | 168709 views | 21 comments

LG Tag Teams the Star Wars Convention

Archived_News_Suck_My_News ( Liquid Generation) — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 06:01:22 -0500

Our interview team invaded the Star Wars 30th Anniversary Celebration, to ask fans about Star Wars weddings, crazy costumes, and Anakin's cooter.

Rating: 5/5 | 2249 views | 7 comments

I Want To Be Paris Hilton's Lawyer

Archived_News_Suck_My_News ( Liquid Generation) — Fri, 11 May 2007 07:22:16 -0500

Check out this weird commercial of a lawyer advertising on TV that he wants only one client: Paris Hilton.

Rating: 5/5 | 10186 views | 1 comments

Prison Guys Gone Wild

Archived_News_Suck_My_News ( Liquid Generation) — Sun, 29 Apr 2007 04:34:40 -0500

Girls Gone Wild creator Joe Francis is in jail – and he’s filmed a sex tape! Everything’s hot and nothing’s consensual!

Rating: 5/5 | 18620 views | 5 comments

News: Simon Cowell, Heartless Bastard

Archived_News_Suck_My_News ( Liquid Generation) — Fri, 20 Apr 2007 06:37:22 -0500

Did you see Simon Cowell roll his eyes at Chris Richardson during American Idol? According this video, Simon has a history of being a heartless bastard.

Rating: 5/5 | 3588 views | 2 comments

News: American Idol's Little Exorcist

Archived_News_Suck_My_News ( Liquid Generation) — Fri, 23 Mar 2007 04:35:05 -0500

Watch your little girls when you watch American Idol – or else Sanjaya will turn them into the devil!

Rating: 3.6/5 | 8731 views | 1 comments

Liquid Generation Tag Teams Will Ferrell

Archived_News_Suck_My_News ( Liquid Generation) — Fri, 16 Mar 2007 04:30:54 -0500

LG got up close and personal with Will Ferrell and all the stars of the upcoming film Blades of Glory. Was Will able to handle our intense tag team interviews? Watch it and find out!

Rating: 5/5 | 2966 views | 3 comments

News: James Cameron Totally Discovers Jesus

Archived_News_Suck_My_News ( Liquid Generation) — Fri, 02 Mar 2007 01:46:36 -0500

Join famous director turned archeologist James Cameron as he makes an amazing discovery in Jesus’ tomb… Jesus himself!

Rating: 3/5 | 3116 views | 3 comments

News: Human Interest Robot Saves Britney

Archived_News_Suck_My_News ( Liquid Generation) — Fri, 23 Feb 2007 07:50:38 -0500

Britney’s hit rock bottom, and only our robot reporter can save her now!

Rating: 5/5 | 3652 views | 2 comments

News: The Oprah Swimsuit Issue

Archived_News_Suck_My_News ( Liquid Generation) — Fri, 16 Feb 2007 06:31:58 -0500

Warning: Oprah Magazine’s response to the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue is not for the faint of heart (or stomach).

Rating: 0/5 | 770 views | 1 comments

News: The Nicole Richie DUI Chase

Archived_News_Suck_My_News ( Liquid Generation) — Fri, 16 Feb 2007 05:30:21 -0500

You heard about her DUI, now see Nicole Ritchie drunkenly tear up the roads. LG was on the scene!

Rating: 5/5 | 8584 views | 10 comments

News: A Tribute To Anna Nicole

Archived_News_Suck_My_News ( Liquid Generation) — Fri, 02 Feb 2007 05:11:01 -0500

Farewell Anna Nicole Smith. As we take one last look back at your life we take comfort in the fact that although your soul may have shaken off this mortal coil your silicone filled boobies will be around for centuries.

Rating: 3.6/5 | 5567 views | 3 comments

News: Rachael Ray Is Annoying

Archived_News_Suck_My_News ( Liquid Generation) — Thu, 01 Feb 2007 02:20:06 -0500

LG new has assembled a collection of Rachel Ray’s most annoying moments to prove once and for all that some one really needs to slap that bitch.

Rating: 1.5/5 | 5589 views | 4 comments

News: Paris Hilton Exposed!

Archived_News_Suck_My_News ( Liquid Generation) — Fri, 26 Jan 2007 07:29:12 -0500

Paris Hilton’s belongings! We’ve found’em! You’ll want them! And most all – you’ll want to have sex with them!

Rating: 5/5 | 65138 views | 3 comments

Paula Abdul Talks Crazy On Iraq

Archived_News_Suck_My_News ( Liquid Generation) — Fri, 19 Jan 2007 08:53:20 -0500

In LG’s exclusive new interview with drunken Idol host Paula Abdul, she gives us her spaced out ideas on The Middle East.

Rating: 3.7/5 | 4552 views | 6 comments

News: Sexy Beckham Goes Hollywood

Archived_News_Suck_My_News ( Liquid Generation) — Fri, 12 Jan 2007 07:54:35 -0500

LG news takes a peek into the future to see what will become of David Beckham now that he’s calling California home.

Rating: 3/5 | 3667 views | 3 comments

News: The Murder of the OC

Archived_News_Suck_My_News ( Liquid Generation) — Fri, 05 Jan 2007 09:01:07 -0500

The O.C. is dead. Liquid Generation tries to make sense of a senseless world.

Rating: 4/5 | 10630 views | 4 comments

News: 2006 Year in Review

Archived_News_Suck_My_News ( Liquid Generation) — Fri, 29 Dec 2006 12:08:43 -0500

Here is our take on the most ridiculous things that happened in the year 2006. Happy New Year!

Rating: 3/5 | 7310 views | 2 comments

News: Donald Trump Attacks Rosie O'Donnell

Archived_News_Suck_My_News ( Liquid Generation) — Thu, 21 Dec 2006 12:43:28 -0500

The war between Donald Trump and Rosie "Chubs" O'Donnell is heating up. Watch Trump's response to Rosie's childish attack. An LG NEWS exclusive!

Rating: 3/5 | 6455 views | 6 comments

News: Inside Britney Spears' Crotch

Archived_News_Suck_My_News ( Liquid Generation) — Fri, 01 Dec 2006 07:33:02 -0500

Those paparazzi pics can only get you so close. Liquid Generation’s News Team takes you on a fantastic voyage right into Brit’s flesh canyon.

Rating: 3/5 | 376583 views | 12 comments

Human Interest Robot: Thanksgiving Special

Archived_News_Suck_My_News ( Liquid Generation) — Wed, 22 Nov 2006 06:03:48 -0500

Liquid Generation’s very own Human Interest Robot interviews a Hippie to find out why he’s getting all whiney over Thanksgiving.

Rating: 3.4/5 | 3277 views | 3 comments

Paris Hilton Interviews Paris Hilton

Archived_News_Suck_My_News ( Liquid Generation) — Fri, 17 Nov 2006 09:39:37 -0500

LG has scored an exclusive interview with Paris Hilton. In the video she interviews none other than – PARIS HILTON! She’d make Barbara Walters proud.

Rating: 1.7/5 | 9138 views | 17 comments

News: To Catch A Baby Predator

Archived_News_Suck_My_News ( Liquid Generation) — Fri, 10 Nov 2006 08:25:15 -0500

You’ve watched Dateline’s To Catch A Predator show right? Well, that has nothing on this very special news segment from Liquid Generation: To Catch a Baby Predator.

Rating: 3/5 | 4547 views | 9 comments

Screech Sex? Sickening!

Archived_News_Suck_My_News ( Liquid Generation) — Wed, 11 Oct 2006 04:25:55 -0500

This week we have Screech sex, terror torture, and Anna’s father fiasco. Philip Norris has the stories, and a 15 billion dollar MySpace profile.

Rating: 5/5 | 7800 views | 2 comments

Anna's Dead Son = $$$

Archived_News_Suck_My_News ( Liquid Generation) — Thu, 21 Sep 2006 12:00:00 -0500

Anna Nicole makes cash, Spinach makes you sick, and the Paparazzi makes Diaz’s day. Philip Norris has the stories, and he’s hopped up on “Cocaine.”

Rating: 3.2/5 | 14712 views | 0 comments

Oops I Had A Baby Again

Archived_News_Suck_My_News ( Liquid Generation) — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 12:00:00 -0500

Britney blasts out her second baby, The Pope blasts Islam and Madonna blasts off. Philip Norris knows it all – because he’s not a stupid woman.

Rating: 4.1/5 | 16739 views | 0 comments

Crock Croaks

Archived_News_Suck_My_News ( Liquid Generation) — Fri, 08 Sep 2006 00:00:00 -0500

The Hunter’s no more, Suri is adored, and Paris is a drunken whore. Philip Norris delivers the stories, but not via a C-Section.

Rating: 3.6/5 | 14651 views | 0 comments

Bad Musicians / Retarded Couples

Archived_News_Suck_My_News ( Liquid Generation) — Fri, 01 Sep 2006 00:00:00 -0500

Jessica bangs John Meyer, Israel’s bombs explode, and a polygamist leader blasts off to jail. Philip Norris has the stories – and he’s completely un-Photoshopped.

Rating: 4/5 | 12931 views | 0 comments

Mission: Impossible to Work With

Archived_News_Suck_My_News ( Liquid Generation) — Fri, 25 Aug 2006 00:00:00 -0500

Tom Cruise got fired, Israel is fired up, and Survivor is heating up… with racism! Philip Norris has the stories, unless he embarrasses himself trying to rap.

Rating: 3.7/5 | 11391 views | 0 comments

Bully For America

Archived_News_Suck_My_News ( Liquid Generation) — Fri, 18 Aug 2006 12:00:00 -0500

In this special report, Philip Norris discusses violent video games like the upcoming Bully by Rockstar Games and tells you why they’re good for America.

Rating: 2.9/5 | 13618 views | 0 comments

Terror-whiffed

Archived_News_Suck_My_News ( Liquid Generation) — Fri, 11 Aug 2006 00:00:00 -0500

Terrorists go to jail, Robin Williams goes to rehab, and Heather Mills goes fence-hopping. Philip Norris has the stories… and photos of Suri?

Rating: 3.6/5 | 14189 views | 0 comments

Total Mel-Tdown

Archived_News_Suck_My_News ( Liquid Generation) — Fri, 04 Aug 2006 00:00:00 -0500

Mel faces Jail, New York faces heat, and Paris faces the press (and looks dumb). Philip Norris has the latest, and doesn’t have sex with boys!

Rating: 3.7/5 | 13820 views | 0 comments

Lance Is Bass-ically Gay!

Archived_News_Suck_My_News ( Liquid Generation) — Fri, 28 Jul 2006 00:00:00 -0500

Lance is out, Al Qaida wants war, and the Tour De France is a crack house. Philip Norris is on the scene – unless he gets hit by the Girls Gone Wild bus.

Rating: 3.7/5 | 14023 views | 1 comments

Child Star Almost Dies

Archived_News_Suck_My_News ( Liquid Generation) — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 00:00:00 -0500

Haley wrecked his car, Snakes switched to trains, and there’s no privacy at the sperm bank. Philip Norris is your man, although he’s too much of a pussy to go to the Middle East right now.

Rating: 3.5/5 | 15504 views | 0 comments

Kevin Feder-Lying?

Archived_News_Suck_My_News ( Liquid Generation) — Fri, 14 Jul 2006 00:00:00 -0500

Will K-Fed’s alleged cheating be the straw that breaks the crying, pregnant camel’s back?

Rating: 3.7/5 | 15128 views | 0 comments

The Great Suri Search

Archived_News_Suck_My_News ( Liquid Generation) — Fri, 07 Jul 2006 00:00:00 -0500

Is Suri Cruise an imaginary baby? Which game system is for racists? Which celebrity roof caught on fire? Philip Norris has the answers!

Rating: 3.5/5 | 13863 views | 0 comments

Star Jones Has No Job

Archived_News_Suck_My_News ( Liquid Generation) — Fri, 30 Jun 2006 00:00:00 -0500

Star Jones wallows in self pity, Wacko Jacko moves to Europe and Jessica isn’t good enough for Dallas.

Rating: 3.8/5 | 2131 views | 0 comments

Reese Is Not Pregnant

Archived_News_Suck_My_News ( Liquid Generation) — Fri, 23 Jun 2006 00:00:00 -0500

Food rules this week as Reese is fat, Bush is “Hungary” and Katharine McPhee can’t keep her lunch down.

Rating: 3.7/5 | 1947 views | 0 comments

Britney Is A Good Mom

Archived_News_Suck_My_News ( Liquid Generation) — Fri, 16 Jun 2006 00:00:00 -0500

This week Britney can chew gum and lie at the same time, Stephen Hawking is a cripple, Daryl Hannah was arrested, and Brad Pitt is making Zombie Movies.

Rating: 4/5 | 20595 views | 0 comments

Brangelina's African Souvenir

Archived_News_Suck_My_News ( Liquid Generation) — Fri, 09 Jun 2006 00:00:00 -0500

The hottest new baby – that’s NOT a Scientologist!

Rating: 4.1/5 | 21202 views | 0 comments

Anna Nicole Creates Demon Offspring

Archived_News_Suck_My_News ( Liquid Generation) — Fri, 02 Jun 2006 00:00:00 -0500

Someone had sex with Anna Nicole and Batwoman is a huge lesbo.

Rating: 3.6/5 | 33035 views | 0 comments

McPheever Cured!

Archived_News_Suck_My_News ( Liquid Generation) — Fri, 26 May 2006 00:00:00 -0500

Taylor Hicks wins Idol. America wins a giant text messaging bill.

Rating: 3.9/5 | 20666 views | 0 comments

Fire Crotchgate

Archived_News_Suck_My_News ( Liquid Generation) — Fri, 19 May 2006 00:00:00 -0500

Philip Norris gives you the inside scoop on Lindsay, Paris and the fat sweaty guy no one likes!

Rating: 4/5 | 24302 views | 0 comments

Hollywood Hates Black People

Archived_News_Suck_My_News ( Liquid Generation) — Fri, 05 May 2006 00:00:00 -0500

Hollywood’s got our kids dressing in black face. Oh Mammy!

Rating: 3.9/5 | 34251 views | 0 comments

Charlie Sheen Solves our Gas Problem

Archived_News_Suck_My_News ( Liquid Generation) — Fri, 28 Apr 2006 12:00:00 -0500

Hear Philip Norris' plan to solve America's addiction to gas - the Charlie Sheen way!

Rating: 3.7/5 | 23699 views | 0 comments

What's In a Stupid Name?

Archived_News_Suck_My_News ( Liquid Generation) — Fri, 21 Apr 2006 12:00:00 -0500

What’s with Tom Cruise naming his Scientology baby Suri? How about Gwyneth Paltrow’s baby, Moses? Why do celebrities insist on naming their babies such stupid names?

Rating: 3.8/5 | 26880 views | 1 comments

Viva Illegal Immigration!

Archived_News_Suck_My_News ( Liquid Generation) — Fri, 14 Apr 2006 12:00:00 -0500

The Mexican immigrants of the world aren’t being heard loud enough and Philip Norris has some ideas on who might lead them. Hint: one of them isn’t your mom.

Rating: 3.7/5 | 26521 views | 0 comments

Wanted: Sex with Tenant

Archived_News_Suck_My_News ( Liquid Generation) — Fri, 07 Apr 2006 00:00:00 -0500

In this episode, Philip Norris applauds Craigslist sex and hopes that other websites will help people get their freak on.

Rating: 3.9/5 | 33984 views | 0 comments

A World Without Star Jones

Archived_News_Suck_My_News ( Liquid Generation) — Fri, 31 Mar 2006 12:00:00 -0500

Star Jones almost died this week from getting a boob job. In this episode, Philip Norris ponders a world without this very fat lady who annoys the crap out of all of us.

Rating: 3/5 | 28622 views | 0 comments