News - Suck My News - Archived News

Protect Horny Teachers, Don't Jail Them

Archived_News_Suck_My_News (Liquid Generation) — Thu, 23 Jul 2009 00:00:00 GMT

This week Philip Norris defends a horny teacher’s right to sleep with one of his or her students. Sexy!

Rating: 3.6/5 | 56379 views | 1 comments

Perez Hilton Should Die

Archived_News_Suck_My_News (Liquid Generation) — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 19:26:07 GMT

Like you, Philip Norris believes that Perez Hilton is an idiot.

Rating: 0/5 | 5916 views | 8 comments

News: Britney, Lindsay, and Paris' Laser Crotch

Archived_News_Suck_My_News (Liquid Generation) — Sat, 09 Jun 2007 08:16:50 GMT

What happens when Britney, Lindsay and Paris get together for a night on the town? Lasers shoot out of their noonies.

Rating: 4/5 | 169316 views | 22 comments

LG Tag Teams the Star Wars Convention

Archived_News_Suck_My_News (Liquid Generation) — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 06:01:22 GMT

Our interview team invaded the Star Wars 30th Anniversary Celebration, to ask fans about Star Wars weddings, crazy costumes, and Anakin's cooter.

Rating: 5/5 | 2435 views | 7 comments

I Want To Be Paris Hilton's Lawyer

Archived_News_Suck_My_News (Liquid Generation) — Fri, 11 May 2007 07:22:16 GMT

Check out this weird commercial of a lawyer advertising on TV that he wants only one client: Paris Hilton.

Rating: 5/5 | 10388 views | 1 comments

Prison Guys Gone Wild

Archived_News_Suck_My_News (Liquid Generation) — Sun, 29 Apr 2007 04:34:40 GMT

Girls Gone Wild creator Joe Francis is in jail – and he’s filmed a sex tape! Everything’s hot and nothing’s consensual!

Rating: 5/5 | 18986 views | 5 comments

News: Simon Cowell, Heartless Bastard

Archived_News_Suck_My_News (Liquid Generation) — Fri, 20 Apr 2007 06:37:22 GMT

Did you see Simon Cowell roll his eyes at Chris Richardson during American Idol? According this video, Simon has a history of being a heartless bastard.

Rating: 5/5 | 3766 views | 2 comments

News: American Idol's Little Exorcist

Archived_News_Suck_My_News (Liquid Generation) — Fri, 23 Mar 2007 04:35:05 GMT

Watch your little girls when you watch American Idol – or else Sanjaya will turn them into the devil!

Rating: 3.6/5 | 8921 views | 1 comments

Liquid Generation Tag Teams Will Ferrell

Archived_News_Suck_My_News (Liquid Generation) — Fri, 16 Mar 2007 04:30:54 GMT

LG got up close and personal with Will Ferrell and all the stars of the upcoming film Blades of Glory. Was Will able to handle our intense tag team interviews? Watch it and find out!

Rating: 5/5 | 3143 views | 3 comments

News: James Cameron Totally Discovers Jesus

Archived_News_Suck_My_News (Liquid Generation) — Fri, 02 Mar 2007 01:46:36 GMT

Join famous director turned archeologist James Cameron as he makes an amazing discovery in Jesus’ tomb… Jesus himself!

Rating: 3/5 | 3297 views | 3 comments

News: Human Interest Robot Saves Britney

Archived_News_Suck_My_News (Liquid Generation) — Fri, 23 Feb 2007 07:50:38 GMT

Britney’s hit rock bottom, and only our robot reporter can save her now!

Rating: 5/5 | 3803 views | 2 comments

News: The Oprah Swimsuit Issue

Archived_News_Suck_My_News (Liquid Generation) — Fri, 16 Feb 2007 06:31:58 GMT

Warning: Oprah Magazine’s response to the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue is not for the faint of heart (or stomach).

Rating: 0/5 | 1004 views | 1 comments

News: The Nicole Richie DUI Chase

Archived_News_Suck_My_News (Liquid Generation) — Fri, 16 Feb 2007 05:30:21 GMT

You heard about her DUI, now see Nicole Ritchie drunkenly tear up the roads. LG was on the scene!

Rating: 5/5 | 8728 views | 10 comments

News: A Tribute To Anna Nicole

Archived_News_Suck_My_News (Liquid Generation) — Fri, 02 Feb 2007 05:11:01 GMT

Farewell Anna Nicole Smith. As we take one last look back at your life we take comfort in the fact that although your soul may have shaken off this mortal coil your silicone filled boobies will be around for centuries.

Rating: 3.6/5 | 5716 views | 3 comments

News: Rachael Ray Is Annoying

Archived_News_Suck_My_News (Liquid Generation) — Thu, 01 Feb 2007 02:20:06 GMT

LG new has assembled a collection of Rachel Ray’s most annoying moments to prove once and for all that some one really needs to slap that bitch.

Rating: 1.5/5 | 5760 views | 4 comments

News: Paris Hilton Exposed!

Archived_News_Suck_My_News (Liquid Generation) — Fri, 26 Jan 2007 07:29:12 GMT

Paris Hilton’s belongings! We’ve found’em! You’ll want them! And most all – you’ll want to have sex with them!

Rating: 5/5 | 74542 views | 3 comments

Paula Abdul Talks Crazy On Iraq

Archived_News_Suck_My_News (Liquid Generation) — Fri, 19 Jan 2007 08:53:20 GMT

In LG’s exclusive new interview with drunken Idol host Paula Abdul, she gives us her spaced out ideas on The Middle East.

Rating: 3.7/5 | 4765 views | 6 comments

News: Sexy Beckham Goes Hollywood

Archived_News_Suck_My_News (Liquid Generation) — Fri, 12 Jan 2007 07:54:35 GMT

LG news takes a peek into the future to see what will become of David Beckham now that he’s calling California home.

Rating: 3/5 | 3813 views | 3 comments

News: The Murder of the OC

Archived_News_Suck_My_News (Liquid Generation) — Fri, 05 Jan 2007 09:01:07 GMT

The O.C. is dead. Liquid Generation tries to make sense of a senseless world.

Rating: 4/5 | 10775 views | 4 comments

News: 2006 Year in Review

Archived_News_Suck_My_News (Liquid Generation) — Fri, 29 Dec 2006 12:08:43 GMT

Here is our take on the most ridiculous things that happened in the year 2006. Happy New Year!

Rating: 3/5 | 7493 views | 2 comments

News: Donald Trump Attacks Rosie O'Donnell

Archived_News_Suck_My_News (Liquid Generation) — Thu, 21 Dec 2006 12:43:28 GMT

The war between Donald Trump and Rosie "Chubs" O'Donnell is heating up. Watch Trump's response to Rosie's childish attack. An LG NEWS exclusive!

Rating: 3/5 | 6571 views | 6 comments

News: Inside Britney Spears' Crotch

Archived_News_Suck_My_News (Liquid Generation) — Fri, 01 Dec 2006 07:33:02 GMT

Those paparazzi pics can only get you so close. Liquid Generation’s News Team takes you on a fantastic voyage right into Brit’s flesh canyon.

Rating: 3/5 | 385627 views | 12 comments

Human Interest Robot: Thanksgiving Special

Archived_News_Suck_My_News (Liquid Generation) — Wed, 22 Nov 2006 06:03:48 GMT

Liquid Generation’s very own Human Interest Robot interviews a Hippie to find out why he’s getting all whiney over Thanksgiving.

Rating: 3.4/5 | 3456 views | 3 comments

Paris Hilton Interviews Paris Hilton

Archived_News_Suck_My_News (Liquid Generation) — Fri, 17 Nov 2006 09:39:37 GMT

LG has scored an exclusive interview with Paris Hilton. In the video she interviews none other than – PARIS HILTON! She’d make Barbara Walters proud.

Rating: 1.7/5 | 9268 views | 17 comments

News: To Catch A Baby Predator

Archived_News_Suck_My_News (Liquid Generation) — Fri, 10 Nov 2006 08:25:15 GMT

You’ve watched Dateline’s To Catch A Predator show right? Well, that has nothing on this very special news segment from Liquid Generation: To Catch a Baby Predator.

Rating: 3/5 | 4684 views | 9 comments

Screech Sex? Sickening!

Archived_News_Suck_My_News (Liquid Generation) — Wed, 11 Oct 2006 04:25:55 GMT

This week we have Screech sex, terror torture, and Anna’s father fiasco. Philip Norris has the stories, and a 15 billion dollar MySpace profile.

Rating: 5/5 | 8080 views | 2 comments

Anna's Dead Son = $$$

Archived_News_Suck_My_News (Liquid Generation) — Thu, 21 Sep 2006 12:00:00 GMT

Anna Nicole makes cash, Spinach makes you sick, and the Paparazzi makes Diaz’s day. Philip Norris has the stories, and he’s hopped up on “Cocaine.”

Rating: 3.2/5 | 14985 views | 0 comments

Oops I Had A Baby Again

Archived_News_Suck_My_News (Liquid Generation) — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 12:00:00 GMT

Britney blasts out her second baby, The Pope blasts Islam and Madonna blasts off. Philip Norris knows it all – because he’s not a stupid woman.

Rating: 4.1/5 | 17086 views | 0 comments

Crock Croaks

Archived_News_Suck_My_News (Liquid Generation) — Fri, 08 Sep 2006 00:00:00 GMT

The Hunter’s no more, Suri is adored, and Paris is a drunken whore. Philip Norris delivers the stories, but not via a C-Section.

Rating: 3.6/5 | 14926 views | 0 comments

Bad Musicians / Retarded Couples

Archived_News_Suck_My_News (Liquid Generation) — Fri, 01 Sep 2006 00:00:00 GMT

Jessica bangs John Meyer, Israel’s bombs explode, and a polygamist leader blasts off to jail. Philip Norris has the stories – and he’s completely un-Photoshopped.

Rating: 4/5 | 13172 views | 0 comments

Mission: Impossible to Work With

Archived_News_Suck_My_News (Liquid Generation) — Fri, 25 Aug 2006 00:00:00 GMT

Tom Cruise got fired, Israel is fired up, and Survivor is heating up… with racism! Philip Norris has the stories, unless he embarrasses himself trying to rap.

Rating: 3.7/5 | 11737 views | 0 comments

Bully For America

Archived_News_Suck_My_News (Liquid Generation) — Fri, 18 Aug 2006 12:00:00 GMT

In this special report, Philip Norris discusses violent video games like the upcoming Bully by Rockstar Games and tells you why they’re good for America.

Rating: 2.9/5 | 14042 views | 0 comments

Terror-whiffed

Archived_News_Suck_My_News (Liquid Generation) — Fri, 11 Aug 2006 00:00:00 GMT

Terrorists go to jail, Robin Williams goes to rehab, and Heather Mills goes fence-hopping. Philip Norris has the stories… and photos of Suri?

Rating: 3.6/5 | 14418 views | 0 comments

Total Mel-Tdown

Archived_News_Suck_My_News (Liquid Generation) — Fri, 04 Aug 2006 00:00:00 GMT

Mel faces Jail, New York faces heat, and Paris faces the press (and looks dumb). Philip Norris has the latest, and doesn’t have sex with boys!

Rating: 3.7/5 | 14057 views | 0 comments

Lance Is Bass-ically Gay!

Archived_News_Suck_My_News (Liquid Generation) — Fri, 28 Jul 2006 00:00:00 GMT

Lance is out, Al Qaida wants war, and the Tour De France is a crack house. Philip Norris is on the scene – unless he gets hit by the Girls Gone Wild bus.

Rating: 3.7/5 | 14249 views | 1 comments

Child Star Almost Dies

Archived_News_Suck_My_News (Liquid Generation) — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 00:00:00 GMT

Haley wrecked his car, Snakes switched to trains, and there’s no privacy at the sperm bank. Philip Norris is your man, although he’s too much of a pussy to go to the Middle East right now.

Rating: 3.5/5 | 15779 views | 0 comments

Kevin Feder-Lying?

Archived_News_Suck_My_News (Liquid Generation) — Fri, 14 Jul 2006 00:00:00 GMT

Will K-Fed’s alleged cheating be the straw that breaks the crying, pregnant camel’s back?

Rating: 3.7/5 | 15360 views | 0 comments

The Great Suri Search

Archived_News_Suck_My_News (Liquid Generation) — Fri, 07 Jul 2006 00:00:00 GMT

Is Suri Cruise an imaginary baby? Which game system is for racists? Which celebrity roof caught on fire? Philip Norris has the answers!

Rating: 3.5/5 | 14224 views | 0 comments

Star Jones Has No Job

Archived_News_Suck_My_News (Liquid Generation) — Fri, 30 Jun 2006 00:00:00 GMT

Star Jones wallows in self pity, Wacko Jacko moves to Europe and Jessica isn’t good enough for Dallas.

Rating: 3.8/5 | 2342 views | 0 comments

Reese Is Not Pregnant

Archived_News_Suck_My_News (Liquid Generation) — Fri, 23 Jun 2006 00:00:00 GMT

Food rules this week as Reese is fat, Bush is “Hungary” and Katharine McPhee can’t keep her lunch down.

Rating: 3.7/5 | 2144 views | 0 comments

Britney Is A Good Mom

Archived_News_Suck_My_News (Liquid Generation) — Fri, 16 Jun 2006 00:00:00 GMT

This week Britney can chew gum and lie at the same time, Stephen Hawking is a cripple, Daryl Hannah was arrested, and Brad Pitt is making Zombie Movies.

Rating: 4/5 | 20808 views | 0 comments

Brangelina's African Souvenir

Archived_News_Suck_My_News (Liquid Generation) — Fri, 09 Jun 2006 00:00:00 GMT

The hottest new baby – that’s NOT a Scientologist!

Rating: 4.1/5 | 21445 views | 0 comments

Anna Nicole Creates Demon Offspring

Archived_News_Suck_My_News (Liquid Generation) — Fri, 02 Jun 2006 00:00:00 GMT

Someone had sex with Anna Nicole and Batwoman is a huge lesbo.

Rating: 3.6/5 | 33282 views | 0 comments

McPheever Cured!

Archived_News_Suck_My_News (Liquid Generation) — Fri, 26 May 2006 00:00:00 GMT

Taylor Hicks wins Idol. America wins a giant text messaging bill.

Rating: 3.9/5 | 20868 views | 0 comments

Fire Crotchgate

Archived_News_Suck_My_News (Liquid Generation) — Fri, 19 May 2006 00:00:00 GMT

Philip Norris gives you the inside scoop on Lindsay, Paris and the fat sweaty guy no one likes!

Rating: 4/5 | 24575 views | 0 comments

Hollywood Hates Black People

Archived_News_Suck_My_News (Liquid Generation) — Fri, 05 May 2006 00:00:00 GMT

Hollywood’s got our kids dressing in black face. Oh Mammy!

Rating: 3.9/5 | 34620 views | 0 comments

Charlie Sheen Solves our Gas Problem

Archived_News_Suck_My_News (Liquid Generation) — Fri, 28 Apr 2006 12:00:00 GMT

Hear Philip Norris' plan to solve America's addiction to gas - the Charlie Sheen way!

Rating: 3.7/5 | 24107 views | 0 comments

What's In a Stupid Name?

Archived_News_Suck_My_News (Liquid Generation) — Fri, 21 Apr 2006 12:00:00 GMT

What’s with Tom Cruise naming his Scientology baby Suri? How about Gwyneth Paltrow’s baby, Moses? Why do celebrities insist on naming their babies such stupid names?

Rating: 3.8/5 | 27128 views | 1 comments

Viva Illegal Immigration!

Archived_News_Suck_My_News (Liquid Generation) — Fri, 14 Apr 2006 12:00:00 GMT

The Mexican immigrants of the world aren’t being heard loud enough and Philip Norris has some ideas on who might lead them. Hint: one of them isn’t your mom.

Rating: 3.7/5 | 26728 views | 0 comments

Wanted: Sex with Tenant

Archived_News_Suck_My_News (Liquid Generation) — Fri, 07 Apr 2006 00:00:00 GMT

In this episode, Philip Norris applauds Craigslist sex and hopes that other websites will help people get their freak on.

Rating: 3.9/5 | 34177 views | 0 comments