Note to self: Next time, don't eat massive bean 'n' cheese burrito before bungee jump. Got it.

It's not a tumah! My belt was just too tight!

The Grindhouse auteur got his shrimping on at a night club when some hot-footed hussy seduced his mouth with her toes. Goddamm I'm gonna hurl.

It seems that Britney needs to take the advice of fellow blonde and use some Proactiv!

Actress Kate Beckinsale has some dirty, nasty teeth that she didn't even brush before a red carpet appearance! Get thee to a dentist, woman!

Daddy Long Legs convention. Not to be mistaken for pubic hair.

There's a sinkhole in Mexico, and it's in Britney's ass. Too bad it couldn't suck up any of her cellulite (or crappy weave, for that matter).

George Clooney is looking extra gaunt these days, and that gross tan isn't helping him look better or younger. Just say no to Nicole Richie!!

Apparently losing enough weight to make you look like a crack-ho inspired Jenna to plump up her face with 5 gallons of collagen. Desperation takes its toll, Jenna....

Nicole is looking dangerously thin again lately, and I've heard through a celebrity "doctor" that her stomach is bloated from malnutrition! O NOOOO!

You never forget your first!

You're making Amy Winehouse and Shane McGowan jealous!

We're proposing Amy Winehouse use the portrait of her from PrettyOnTheOutside.com as the cover of her new album! True inspiration!

For some god-awful reason, K-Mart sells bacon. Maybe because they have to do SOMETHING with all the extra back-fat from the morbidly obese pigs they employ.

I went to the beach over the weekend and saw this woman whose sunglasses I loved!

Apparently Kirsten Dunst has a NAAAAAASTY foot rash. She must be hanging out in the shower room of the Silverlake YMCA. Gross.

This Chinese chick has got some of the freakiest feet around. Maybe they quit foot-binding a little soon, huh?

In Japan, everything is possible. Goldfish living in cool water below the floating oil of a deep-fryer.

If 70 pounds isn't anorexic, then I have a long way to go!!

The importance of wearing proper-fitting shoes.