Meet Chris Crocker, the next YouTube flavor of the month.  Here he is lip syncing Britney Spears' new song.  I think our own Helga the Help is way more awesome, but we'll let you decide.

vs.

Discuss. 

...we all benefit.

PS - Nice flag! 

People are still reeling from The Sopranos finale. I'm just as consumed with it as I was last week. In fact, the way I viewed the ending has fundamentally changed. First I thought David Chase (the show's creator and writer) wanted us to think that Tony would live the rest of his life looking over his shoulder, waiting to be whacked. But after reading this dissection by Gawker, Bob Harris [updated: the Gawker piece was a parody of Bob Harris' article. Duh!]I now believe that Tony Soprano got whacked. Like the article says, it's all there -- and it is. Tony Soprano is dead. Long Live Tony Soprano.

The one thing that's been really bothering me is the crappy "alternate endings" that everybody and their mother is making right now. It seems like the only entry requirement is iMovie, and this is usually a good thing, but the crop of videos out there that parody the final moments of the Soprano family is just plane horrible and lazy.

Here is a guide to The Stupidest "Sopranos" Alternate Ending Videos Ever.

Note: All this videos are from YouTube and I've kept their original titles.

 1. Sopranos ending extended by Jake2112
 

Laziness Factor: 7

Why It's Stupid: Instead of a cut to black, it cuts to Journey concert footage and then back to picture stills of the Soprano family. What point the author was trying to make with this video I have no freaking clue, except maybe that Journey looked really funny on stage.

2. Unseen Sopranos Ending by ThePeoplesCandidate

Laziness Factor: 9

Why It's Stupid: Starts of with black video then cuts to a picture still of the family at the restaurant. Next we hear a voice over that says "Hey, Gabagool!" We also hear that Steve Jobs wants to take away everybody's iMovie software and pretend he never invented it.

3. Sopranos Alternate Ending by convergenceny

Laziness Factor: 4 

Why It's Stupid: Instead of cutting to black it cuts to a shot of an exploding Earth while Journey plays in the background. Does Earth explode because Tony got shot? Or because people were angry at the way the series ending? Or just because the creator of this video was messing around with Affect Effects? We have no idea.

With all this talk about Lindsay being back on drugs and Paris going to the clink, it's important to remember that there is drama in the lives of our internet celebrities, too.  In this video, YouTube hottie GreenTeaGirlie gets over her break-up with YouTube dork-o DaxFlame by crying and dancing.  Here's the clip (you should probably just skip ahead to :58 seconds for the dancing):

Yes, DaxFlame broke up with her because he thinks she is a robot.  You can't find drama like that on TV, folks (because it's too retarded)!  Anyway, I'm more concerned with GreenTeaGirlie's response.  Does dancing to Don't Cha by the Pussycat Dolls prove you're not a robot?  I don't think so.  Robots can dance.  There's even a dance named after them.  They can be sexy too, like the fembots from Austin Powers, or the hotter cylons from Battlestar Gallactica.  So how do you prove you're not a robot?

Hmm.  Actually, I'm not sure.  I suppose anyone could be a robot. 

Even... me?

I'm sure this was one the happiest days in his entire life, but watching paraplegic physicist Stephen Hawking float in a zero gravity pod gets me really depressed.  Have a look:

Hawking is so cool -- he has an awesome chair, a kick-ass computer voice, and has recorded a rap album (sort of).  but to see one of the greatest minds of all time floating around like a piece of poo in a space toilet, and requiring the assistance of so many people to do so... it's a major mood killer.  I'm happy that he's able to be a quasi-astronaut, I just wish I could take back ever seeing it.  To me, Hawking is a handicapped person I don't think of as handicapped.  Wizards often have canes, but I don't think of them as handicapped, they're just sweet as hell.  Hawking's chair is like a wizard cane, from which he produces science magic, like fireballs! 

At least, that's what I used to think.  Now I have to remember that it's probably tricky for him to use the bathroom. *SIGH*

Apparently there has been some confusion about what will and will not get you tasered at UCLA.  Here's a very popular video of a student activist getting tasered a whole bunch of times at the library.  Let's watch:

So, as you can see, the UCLA Campus Police have no qualms about tasering students.  If you're a UCLA undergrad, and you're worried you might be next, here are some important safety tips on how to avoid getting tasered:

1.  Show them your f***ing student ID card.  Since their policy is that after 11 pm, you need to show ID, then you should show them your ID, or as some like to call it, your "Get Out Of Tasering Free Card."  Even if you don't have your student ID on you, I strongly encourage you to continue standing up.  Standing is great.

2.  Don't act like a douchebag.  If you scream, "SEE, AMERICA?  HERE'S YOUR PATRIOT ACT, WHICH YOU LOVE SO MUCH," not only are campus policemen going to taser you, but I'm going to taser you.  Me.  And I'm not involved in any way.  I don't care -- I'll do it.  How do I buy a taser?

3.  Don't underestimate a cop's love of tasering.  These guys get off on tasering.  One of those cops actually had an orgasm while tasering this guy.  They often incorporate tasing into their day-to-day lives, tasering waitresses, bus drivers, and movie theater ushers.  But a cop can actually achieve multiple orgasms tasering a student activist.

I hope those three simple rules help you to not get tasered.  Because no one wants to get tasered, unless you're goading the campus police to make a political statement on YouTube.  If that's the case, feel free to ignore these rules.  And try spitting on the cops, too.  A few hocked loogies could lead to a night's worth of tasering excitement.

What do you get when you combine homeless people with nothing to do, a popular department store, and the Playstation 3 coming out tomorrow?  You get a get rich quick scheme worthy of Top Cat himself!  No, f*** that stupid cat -- this is actually brilliant, and doesn't involve tricking an already stupid policeman.  Someone is paying homeless people $100 a day to sit in line for PS3s, which they'll buy retail for $600 a piece, and resell on eBay for $2000.  Check out this video:

It's perfect.  The homeless make money, and the guy funding the venture gets big bucks.  Oh, but wait -- doesn't it seem like there are a lot of stories right now about PS3s going up on eBay?  Are there gonna be so many that their resell value will decrease?  I mean, does anyone want to actually play this thing, or do people just want to try and make some money?  Uh oh.  Scheme in trouble?!

Well, even if they don't sell, the homeless still make their money.  And if the homeless wait in enough lines, they'll be able to afford their own PS3s, which they can try and resell on eBay.  And when they don't sell, they can use them as fancy sitting boxes! 

You've got to hand it to the guy in this popular YouTube video: he doesn't just screw up this convenience store burglary, he turns it into a slapstick filled romp for the whole family!

He doesn't even need an 8-year-old to mercilessly prank him.  He does a good job of crashing into things on his own.  *Slaps hands on face*  AAAAAAAAH!   

The internet is slowly making all facets of a gay life style available to closeted married men. Now when they sneak down stairs at two in the morning to vent their homosexuality via the family Performa they need not only settle for the physical pleasures derived from the porn on MrAss.com. They can also partake in the mental and emotional pleasures that all gay men find essential. Namely, giving a hot girl tips about the outfit she’s wearing.

Here’s Kalia Yu from YouTube. She needs to know which outfit she should wear for her big hot date. Help her out and simultaneously satisfy that secret part of yourself that’s searching desperately for a fag hag to boss around.