After all the DUIs, jail time, drunken nights, cocaine abuse and miscellaneous whoring, Lindsay Lohan is still considered by some to be sexy.  For those of you who feel this way, enjoy this clip from her terrible new movie I Know Who Killed Me, in which she pretends to have sex while some other girl angrily cleans a kitchen sink.  Very edgy/arty/retarded!

Lindsay here... 

Wow. Thanks for the response to what I should do with my life guys. I thought most of you would jsut call me a stupid skinny bitch and that's it. But it turns out that some of you actually pretty smart...and caring. ...like Thomas who wrote:

Dudes, give the girl a break! And Lindsay, when I'm in trouble I always say to myself: "there are always people who are worse of than me" and when you think about it then you realize it's true... Just turn on tv and watch the news. And then you feel like "hey I'm not that fucked up after all, I can do this!" Try it and let me know :) Greetz,

Thomas A worried fan from Belgium

That's so true. There are people that are a lot worse off than me. Lots of them. Britney Spears. She's a freaking mess. That fatso's got more problems that Katherine Heigl's ass. Amy Winehouse? She's a total freak. It's not enough that her teeth are snagly...she OD'd this weekend and now she's in rehab. I've never OD'd as bad as she did...at least I look good....I always used to tell me friends that it never matters how much of a wreck you are...just look beautiful. And I think I look pretty good. I mean, look at this Maxim cover shoot I just did...

Now look at Amy Winehouse.....

Who looks like the drug addict now? I'm doing awesome compared to this chick.

Also, who is this Anne Hathaway actress? People are saying that she's like the julia roberts or something. Gay. She's so boring it seems....I've never seen her at Hyde or any other club...so she must be a nobody...plus she's fat. look at this pictures of her in a bikini....

Dear Anne Hathway -- get a tan, lose some weight, then maybe people will like you.

Love & Laxatives

Lohan

P.S. UTAH SUXXXXX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[If you'd like to read more of the rehabriffic writing of Lindsay Lohan, go to her blog]
 

 The wrest of the breastacular gallery can be found here.

As soon as I heard the news of Lindsay Lohan's run-in with the law this morning, I immediately knew what I wanted to do with my day: I'm going to teach all the Liquid Generation fans out there How To Put Cocaine in Their Videos. What practical use does this have? Absolutely none. Is it super cool? Yes. Will your friends think you're a Special Effects Master after creating one of these videos? Of course.

So in honor of Lindsay Lohan's DUI, here is: How To Put Cocaine in Your Videos (video).

Are you the type of person that likes to forward email jokes? Well, I've got quite the EMAIL FORWARD for you, people! The only one you're gonna need all day!

Just title the subject of your email: I'VE GOT PICTURES OF LINDSAY LOHAN DOING COKE!!!!!@@#@!

And then just send him or her a link to this post which will reveal the picture of Lindsay doing coke.

The picture, after the jump.

La Lohan here, bitches!

Ally Sheedy looks amazing these days! Why, it was only a few years ago that she looked like that fatass in this photo. 

Look how much weight she's dropped! It's like she's almost a total hottie these days! I do think she could just loose just a couple more pounds in the face and arms, and then she'll look just perfect. Just perfect!

Girls, I know it's the middle of summer...but you only have a few more weeks to make those bones show and finally get the guy of your dreams! Nobody wants to bang a fatty -- trust me. Since being out of rehab I've only had like 12 one-night stands. Such a low number for this time of the summer.

[Read more of Lindsay's alcohol-free ramblings at her blog, Lindsay Lohan's Emaciation Proclamation!] 

La Lohan here... 

Yesterday afternoon was a lot of fun for a change. The idiots here actually let us leave rehab and go to the beach. I love Promises! You pay them lots of money and they let you do whatever you want!

People were totally cool to me while I was at the beach. They were wishing me well and everything, and not asking for too many autographs. One thing that people doing realize about being a celebrity: signing autographs is like the biggest pain in the ASS! Usually the people asking for them are annoying tourists (and lots of fat little girls). Nobody that's actually FROM LA would ever ask a celeb for an autograph, so usually it's not that bad. But we were at the beach so, ya know. TOURIST CITY!

Speaking of fatass, damn I gotta cut down on the carbs. Look at my stomach! BRRRRRRRRRR!

My gut is HUGE!!!!!

Hey guys, it's Linday here... 

They want you to eat a lot when you're in rehab. It sucks. That's why you've probably seen so many photos of me working out while i'm here. It's not that Promises has crappy food -- I'm paying like 25K a month to attend this place they better have some good food -- but the majority of the stuff is just carbs. Bread this, pasta that. How is a girl suppose to stay anorexic when she's in rehab these days?

I saw this story today that Paris wasn't eating when she went to back to lynnwood.

Paris’ weight has fallen from 110lbs to 100lbs after she was sent back to jail in Lynwood, Los Angeles, for flouting a driving ban.

One insider said: “After she was transferred back, Paris refused to eat.

“Staff became worried as she seems very thin with her bones poking out. She was also very weak and lethargic.

“They threatened to put her on an intravenous drip to rehydrate her and give her some nourishment unless she started eating.

Her bones were poking out? That's kinda hot. I've been trying to make my bones poke out since I started losing weight last year. When guys see bones poping out of your skin, it makes them want to do you. At least that's what Mary-Kate Olsen told me. And look how many people want to bang Paris?

Hey, peeps! Lindsay Lohan here... 

The people here, they want to change me. They keep on telling me that I'm a drugg addict. They keep on telling me I'm an alcoholic. They keep on just telling me, telling me, telling me. Can't they just shut up for one second and worry about themselves.

You want to know what a drug addict looks like? Here:

DEAR REHAB COUNCELORS: DO I LOOK LIKE CRACKHEAD PETE DOHERTY TO YOU?

NO?

I DIDN'T THINK SO. CRACKHEADS DON'T LOOK LIKE THIS:

Do you get it people? Drug addicts don't look like me. I said it before, I've said it again: look at my life. look at my movies. check how much money i have in the bank: if I was a drug addict or alcoholic i wouldn't have any of these things. and even if I do snort lots of cocaine, it obviously isn't doing anything to me? look at what i've done at such a young age.

Sure I crashed my car. Sure they found drugs. Sure I could have killed someone.

But in the short time you were reading this, the risiduals i've made from my TV shows on Disney, all my movies, all my clothing lines -- all my everything -- have totallyed $10,000.

Yeah, I made a fortune today. What did you do?

[ Editor's Note: If you'd like to read more of Lindsay Lohan's rehabrrific ramblings, please go to her blog!]