John Mayer here, writing about my summer tour:

You wouldn't have to be a genius to know that I've been down in the dumps for the past few weeks. I'd like to let you know that I'm making a recovery. You see, I've found love again.

Sometimes we humans get caught up in pettiness, jealousy, and loneliness. As an artist, I experience these emotions a thousand times greater than non-artists or "norms." Anyway, when I lost the old ball and chain (I was thinking of making the joke "old boobs and chain," but I thought better of it -- and who says this blog isn't sensitive?), that dumb bimbo took a piece of my heart. It's sad, but true. That was hard to get over, and it sent me into a downward spiral.

Ben, I know now that you read this blog, so let me just say that I really admire you and always have. "Brick" is an awesome song, as is your entire post-"Brick" work. It was the depression talking. I think you understand. Otherwise, it's gonna be a long rest-of-the-tour. Right, buddy? Right?

Anyway, time to put the past behind us. As I said up top, I'm making a recovery. There's a new girl in my life! She's hot, sexy, and wears nothing but leaves. No, it's not the girl from American Beauty. I'm talking about Mother Earth! Get ready to hear a lot more about our sexual exploits in the tabloids. We rekindled our love affair at a little event called, oh I don't know -- Live Earth! And I promise you all that I'll be gentle with her (though legally, I'm not promising anything).

...Thora Birch! That's the girl from American Beauty. I wonder what she's up to.

-JM