Britney Spears Arrested for Prostitution

BREAKING NEWS! Britney Spears was arrested for prostitution, snorting cocaine off her baby's stomach, and for just being a total nasty whore. In all of my time as an Pulitzer Prize-deserving journalist, I've never seen a story quite like this. It makes me want to jump into an empty 20-foot deep pool and end it all. I'm sure you'll feel the same. You know, we can all do this together. The world is depressing, and this story proves it. How can we all live together in harmony when there are crazies like Britney driving around and snorting cocaine off toddlers. Off another man's back or her assistant's ass, yes, I get that. But this just isn't right.

Check out the video detailing her disgusting arrest. I'm off to go find an empty pool.