Liquid Generation: Indiana Jones and the Quest for the Crappiest Title

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Aug 16, 2007

Indiana Jones and the Quest for the Crappiest Title

Lucas Films just registered for trademarks on six new Indiana Jones titles. That means one of these could very well be the title of the new movie coming out next spring. Not a lot to go on but I’m going to try and speculate what each potential title could be about.

Indiana Jones and the Quest For the Covenant – Indy goes on a search for the lost Covenant. Half way through the movie someone asks “wait, you mean like the Arc of the Covenant? Didn’t you already find that 20 years ago”. Everyone realizes that Indy is senile and has no idea what f**king year it is.

Indiana Jones and the Fourth Corner of the Earth – Experiencing intense back pains Indy hears of a tribal doctor located at the fourth corner of the earth who may be able to alleviate his suffering. The claims turn out to be bulls**t and the college he’s working for refuses to pay for the travel expenses.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull – Indy overhears his son, Shia LaBeouf, talking about the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Not wanting to reveal to his dad that it’s the gay bar where he works Shia tells Indy it’s a lost empire full of magic and gold. When Indy goes to find it Shia stays home and throws a lot of coke parties.

Indiana Jones and the Destroyer of Worlds – Short Round’s parents take Indy to court for kidnapping their son and forcing him to go on life threatening adventures. They sob through out the film and yell tortured screams of “when he took our son he destroyed our world!”

Indiana Jones and the City of the Gods – A film shot in real time that takes place entirely at Indy’s death bed. We sit with him for the last three hours of his life as he slips in and out of consciousness and tells his son that he can’t die because he has more adventures to go on. Tear stricken, all his son can tell him is “you’re going on the ultimate adventure dad… you’re going to the City of the Gods.”

Indiana Jones and the Lost City of Gold – Indy goes on an adventure looking for a city made entirely of f**king gold!

Posted by Doc Manhattan under on Thu: 16-08-07 07:29 PM CDT | 0 Comments | Permalink

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Indiana Jones and the Quest for the Crappiest Title

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