Anatomy of a Gray's Script

And now for those of you who are curious here’s how to write an episode of Gray’s Anatomy.

First off, watch a lot of the Health Channel.  Wait until you see something really gross or ridiculous.  That's your starting point.  Every episode of Gray's   Anatomy revolves around some obscure medical condition that happens to one out of every fifteen million people, all of whom apparently reside within Seattle.  For the sake of this exercise, let's say the ailment you’re dealing with is Progeria, that rapid aging disease which makes a kid looks eighty by the time he's eleven.  Like that horrible Robin Williams movie!

Next, think of a personal crisis going on in the life of one of the main characters, which metaphorically reflects the physical developments of the disease.  Don't think about it too long, just the first thing that jumps to mind.  The symbolism in a Gray's Anatomy episode has to be really obvious, so everyone is aware of how clever it is.  For this one, let's say that Miranda Gray is getting married, but she's worried that she might be too young.  Get it?  Progeria makes kids look like they're growing up fast, Miranda feels like she's growing up too fast, because she's getting married.  You get it.  You're not that dumb.

Next watch a lot of Scrubs and steal as much of J.D.'s narration as you can get away with.  J.D. will say something
like, "when you work in a hospital, every day is like a big surprise."  Copy that down exactly.  Keep copying until it's no longer applicable.  If you wrote down something about a character actually getting a big surprise, and it's a midget that punches him in the nuts, you've gone too far.  After that, steal a bunch of dialogue and plot twists from My So Called Life. 

When you've finished your first draft, use your computer’s "find and replace" function to turn every other word into "Mc Dreamy" or "Mc Steamy."  And you’re done!