5 Things Britney Can Do To Finish Destroying Her Career

Britney is looking for advice on what her next move should be.  Her recent meeting with the William Morris agency left the executives there scratching their heads.  Personally, I have no idea what Britney could do to revitalize her career at this point -- I mean, she's already played all her cards, including her "ace in the hole," so what else is left?

My advice: Britney should finish what she started and completely obliterate any chance of achieving career greatness, again.  There's nowhere to go but down!  To that end, here are five things Britney can do to poison her celebrity to death (I think there's a "Toxic" joke in there somewhere):

1. Another baby!!  It's one thing to be a MILF, but another thing to have had three living beings squeeze out of you.  Am I saying all moms of three aren't sexy?  Not necessarily, but Britney became famous for the school girl look.  As a kid, you'd kill yourself to date the hot, innocent school girl (and as an adult, perhaps moreso), but the school girl who got knocked up three times?  Ehhh... Hmm... *Fidget*

2. Marry another sleaze-bucket.  Now that Kevin's gone, we need someone to fill his disgusting, leechy shoes.  I'd go to the local homeless shelter, find a guy holding a sign that says, "will lick you to orgasm for food," get hitched, and give him a multi-million dollar recording contract.  If he produces a rap album that's only half as bad as K-Fed's, it'll still make all of Britney's remaining fans jump ship / want to vomit.

3. Rekindle your hilarious friendship with Paris Hilton.  You guys were like two drunk, reckless, and entirely inappropriate peas in pod.  What happened?  You guys need to make up and give new meaning to the term BFF.  My suggestion: Big F***ing F***-Up?

4. Release a new album.  Her album sales have been on a steady decline since her "golden era" ended in the early 2000's, so a big comeback CD that bombs hard, followed by a "has been" tattoo on her lower back, would be a one-two knockout punch to her career.

5. Vag-o-Grams.  A series of greeting cards starring Britney's infamous lady taco, sold at Walgreens everywhere.  Now you can see it in the office and on special occassions.  And when the kids ask why the Easter Bunny has a sideways mouth, just tell them it's an old friend playing dress-up.   ;-)