God, whatever

There's a lot of talk of forgiveness over here. Forgive yourself. Forgive you mom, your dad, friends, neighbors. Forgive everyone. But more importantly, forgive yourself.

It all sounds very religious to me. There's so much talk of God here you think this was a church. Trust in God, forgive yourself. Turn your will to the good of God. Admit to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. Come to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

Why is this being shoved down my throat? I hardly believe in God and he's going to help me? A man who says that he's going to be coming to earth for 2000 is suddenly going to help me?

People -- I don't need your God. I don't need your golden mantras. I just need your martinis.

A couple days ago I thought I needed to go here. But to look around at all the losers at this place, i am clearly not an alcoholic. I make millions of dollars a year doing what I do. I'm worth a few more. Studios want me in their movies. Magazines want pictures of me. I'm doing a few movies this year, what are you doing?

If I'm such an alcoholic and drug addict, how is it that I'm able to do what I do? Alcoholics aren't as productive as me, so clearly, I am not.

I hear stories of people drinking a bottle of vodka before breakfast. I hear stories of people hitting their children and wives when they hit the bottle. This one dude admitted to snorting a line of cocaine off his best friend's penis.

I crashed my car into a tree. Woopdeedoo. I am sooo going to hell, aren't I?

Whatever.

I'm an alcoholic like Mickey Mouse is a Nazi.

I Think I'm Going To Have To Give Rehab Another Shot

So as you probably heard by now I got in a car wreck early this morning around 5AM. Yes, I was drunk. Yes, I had trace amounts of cocaine in the car. Yes, I managed to get the other drugs out of the car before the police arrived.



And Yes, I am going to rehab.



In my 20-years on this planet I say I've led a pretty full life. I'm one of the most well-known actresses in the world. I've made countless numbers of cash doing things like modeling, attending parties, and just being myself. Myself is what made me who I am today: the person you love, respect and look up to.



But I realize I am causing me and those I love a lot of heartache.



I could have killed somebody today. I could have killed myself, or worse, gotten paralyzed like Christopher Reeve, and the died. My Mercedes is wrecked, but I guess it's okay because I could just buy a new one. Trust me, I have the money.



I don't know whether to say I'm sorry or what. I mean, who am I saying sorry to? My fans? I bet you guys like it when this happens. You and the media love it when I fall, cause then you get to kick me...and damn if you all don't kick me hard sometimes.



Should I say sorry to my parents? My dad doesn't care. And Dina my mom? I'd love to tell you where she was this morning but don't want to get the cops involved even more.



There are so many times when I know exactly where I'm going in life, but then in an instant it all comes crashing down, or into the bushes, literally. Nothing is ever in the middle. My life is never even. It's a series of really jagged edges. Just one extreme to the next. I don't even know if I like being in the middle...i'm not sure normal is for me. I guess that's why I do cocaine because I like the extremes. An old counselor of mine says it's near impossible to live in the extremes because eventually you'll burn out or explode. Is it weird that both sound exciting to me in their own way?



Damn what I am doing and where the hell am I going?

Paris Hilton Is Turning Into a Fat Ass!

WOW! I know that Paris is worried about her whole jail thing, but i never new that she'd let all her worrying go to her stomach...literally. Look at these photos of Paris...it seems like she's been putting on A LOT of weight recently...LIKE DAMN, GIRL. Lay of the bisquits already, you frickin' fat dog. (j/k I luv you Paris! lololol)

Say A Prayer for Nicole Richie

Nicole is back in rehab again for drugs and anorexia. Supposedly she check into the treatment center at an amazing 83 lbs! That f**king lucky bitch! I've never been that skinny in my life! How does she do that? It can't be all cocaine and pill!



We'll here's to hoping she gets off the drugs and doesn't gain toooo much weight. That's usually what happens when you stop the nasty stuff....look at me...i just drink vodka now and i've turned into a fatso.



Here's a poem for you, Nicky...

An extract from "creep" by Radiohead

I don't care if it hurts,

I want to have control.

I want a perfect body,

I want a perfect soul.

I want you to notice,

when I'm not around.

You're so fucking special,

I wish I was special.



But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo.

What the hell am I doing here?.

I don't belong here

Fatblogging Has Begun!

Hey peeps,



I've begun my fatblogging. If you look over at the sidebar you can see what I ate for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I'll be updating this throughout the day, so check back! If you want, post what you ate that day in the blog! We should all be helping each other look beautiful!



ALSO -- I've added some thinspiration to the sidebar. A Fatty of the Day and a Skinny of the Day. Also updated everyday! --- who knows, sometimes more if I need the help! LOL.



I'm in much better spirits then I was this morning~!!!!



xoxoxo



LL

I'M FINE!!!!!!!!!!!

Really, I'm fine...I'M FINE! This picture me DOES NOT PROVE THAT I AM ON THE VERGE OF HAVING A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN!







Love & Lattes,



LL

Fatblogging My Way To Size -7

stop the madness! fatblogging 2007!

It appears that I've gained a little weight in the past several months. While people say I look a tad more healthy, I just see fat rolls and cottage cheese ass when I look in the mirror. I see a girl that's respected by millions of people yet inside feels like the ugliest and stupidest person in the world.

I don't care that girls out there respect me for who I am (unlike those stupid tabloids), I want to be happy for being me. And now me wants to lose some weight and I thought I'd document it here in a way that I haven't before.

I've been reading the internet and stumbled upon this movement called Fatblogging. I guess some obese person called Jason Calacanis started it because he was so grossly obese. Fatblogging is basically telling people what you ate/how you exercised that day...sharing it with the people reading your blog in hopes that the public pressure will make you guilty you enough to lose some fricking weight.

So I guess that's why I'm going to do this for awhile, so if it helps-- good. Maybe with a little of your guidance and tips I can get down to how I used to look.

I'm sure you read my Emaciation Proclamation and my Thin Commandments from when I started this blog...well I think Fatblogging and Fatbloggers need their own set of guidelines and such. Here's a first draft I'm working on, if you have any suggestions, leave them in the comments.

FAT BLOGGING YOUR WAY TO SIZE -7

1. You're a role model for fat bloggers. If you fail to document your fatblogging, there will be too many obese bloggers. Obese bloggers = obese internet. We need to keep the internet healthy.

2. Be honest when documenting your exercise and food intake. Lying will only make you fatter and they don't let liars and fatties into Hyde Lounge.

3. Do not blog and eat at the same time. Instead, just blog. If you feel the need to eat, blog. Blogging is the key here.

4. If somebody calls you a "stupid slutty fatass" in the comments section, don't call them out. Starting a flame war with one of your readers is counter productive to fatblogging, as getting into a rage will probably make you eat more.

5. When possible post pictures of fat people, followed by skinny people. Make fun of the fat people so you feel good about yourself and envious of the skinny person.

Okay that's just a working draft. But I think I'm gonna like doing this...look for for my first fatblogging update soon!

DEAR TMZ -- MIND YOUR OWN BIZZNESSS

I love it when the tabloids talk about my personal life like they know what the hell they're talking about. I'm not seen with Calum for like three fricking day and they already think that we're not an item or hooking up or dating or whatever. It's none of their business what calum and I are doing...what are status is etc.

Why do sites like TMZ and Perez care about what I do and who I kiss? For the most part I hear that the people who write for TMZ are a bunch of fat 35-year-old wives whose husbands are out banging whatever dirthole looks at them at the Saddleranch bar on Sunset. It's just funny that human energy is wasted on talk about my personal life...it just makes no sense. Well....maybe a little sense...I can see the attraction of people wanting to know about what i'm up to, but damn...TMZ has to be all negative...

They assume just because I don't see one of my friends for a couple days that it's all over. JUST MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS TMZ! You don't know me, you don't know anything. YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT LOVE IS. You DON'T KNOW WHAT MY LOVE IS...

So yeah, just stay out of it...

This is what beautiful looks like to me...

She might be skinny...but she' skinny beautifull....







from prezzy...

YOU DON'T HAVE TO TELL ME...

I look hot. I know it. You sooo know it. You are sooooo jealous.

Is Britney Spears Fat or Preggers?????

Do you hear that? Those sirens? It's the Fat Police and they're on they're way to get Britney Spears!!







Is she getting fat or just pregnant again? You can never quite tell with Britney. She could be eating tons of ding dongs lately, or just doing them.

Re: Lily Allen and Fat People Not Making It In Hollywood

OMG -- MYSPACE drama is soooooooo 2006 -- and acting all emo & sh*it is soooooo 2005. If you've been following Lily "Chubby" Allen's MySpace blog lately, you would have seen this suicidal posting last week:

"fat, ugly and shitter than winehouse

that is all i am, im on my own in america again. I used to pride myself on being strong minded and not being some stupid girl obsessed with the way I look. I felt like it didnt matter if I was a bit chubby cause, im not a model, I'm a singer. Im afraid I am not strong and have fallen victim to the evil machine. I write to you in a sea of tears from my hotel bed in Seattle, I have spent the past hour researching gastric bypass surgery, and laser lipo suction."

Can you believe this girl? I know I've sounded depressed at times, but damn...she just sounds soooo sad. It almost makes me want to cry and wonder.....do I sound like this? Is this how I sound when I complain about my weight....damn.

Tho it looks like now Lily might be coming out of her depression. Today she wrote:

"Sorry
Current mood: Better

Hi guys , I'm sorry if I worried anyone with the blog I wrote yesterday . I was feeling pretty sorry for myself , I've been reading all your comments and they have made me realise there is more to life than being thin ! So thank you . I think I was just having a hard time last week . After reading cheryl tweedys comments branding me a "chick with a dick". I was feeling pretty low and aswell as that, some of you might know I launched my clothing line for new look last tuesday, and seeing my picture in so many newspapers next to kate moss' , made me feel grotesque momentarily. I know its a silly way to feel and I am incredibly proud of myself and my achievements over the past year, there are so many good things about my life . I really am incredibly lucky . I guess it shows how much of an effect the media can have on us young ladies. As for the amy winehouse bit , someone sent me a link to a picture blog where there were some paparazzi shots of my brother and I , and there were hundreds of comments from mean sad people , saying I was a fat ugly bitch and how much better amy is than I . Usually I ignore these things , but in my heightened emotional state I let them get the better of me . My mum has come out here to keep me company and I feel much better now , I sha'nt be getting any surgery , instead I will be eating lots of bread and pasta and thinking about what to write about for the next album . I really am touched and was quite surprised at the reaction the blog received and it definitely has restored my faith in humanity .

I know I've said bad things about people in the past , though the majority of them have been blown wayyyy out of proportion , but this i mean Cheryl if you're reading this , I may not be as pretty as you but at least I write and SING my own songs without the aid of autotune . I must say taking your clothes off , doing sexy dancing and marrying a rich footballer must be very gratifying , your mother must be so proud, stupid bitch .

I think I'm beginning to like Lily. She may sound sad and dressed, but anybody who calls another girl a "stupid bitch" is awesome in my eyes. I only wish I was that forward at times...then maybe people would think i have more street cred and like me more. I dunno.

As far as Lily thinking she's fat, well...she is. I can see why she's so depressed. You cannot be in this business and be ugly. You cannot be fat. Men can be fat, woman can't. It's just the way it is. Name an ugly Pop Star or Actress in Hollywood today. You can't. At least not one that's any good. And that Ugly Betty loser doesn't count -- that's a lame fat puerto rican actress that's made to look ugly.

I'm just saying that if you're a girl and you want to make it in this biz, you might want to take a look in the mirror and ask yourselves these questions:

• Am I fat?
  
  
• Do people think I'm ugly

If you answered "yes" to any of those questions then you're not going to make it in this town.

My New Movie Totally Sucks Balls

Today my movie comes out in theaters all across the nation -- GEORGIA RULE with Jane Fonda and some other people whose name's I'm forgetting right now (was out in nyc getting my drink on after Conan last night!!!).



I can honestly say that I'm not very proud of this movie, especially a scene where I get down on my knees and give a blowjob to this guy. As you already know, I was a mess during the production of the movie. I'd be out all night and show up late to the set, sometimes not at all. I got that letter from the CEO of Morgan Creek threatening to fire me.



Damn this is depressing. The movie sucks balls. It's seriously the worst thing that's ever been made in my career like ever. It makes Herbie Fully Loaded look like the freaking Godfather. I think Georgia Rule is going to destroy cinema. I wouldn't be surprised if the people who go to see this movie never go to the movies again. Look, according to Rottentomatoes.com my movie has a 22% Freshness Rating!!?!?!







This is so gay. Maybe this is what it's going to take to get my down to a size -7 again.



I've never wanted to cut myself more than I do now.



But good ol' Linds.....Disney's up and comer....the Maven of the Marmount....Hollywood's freshest "IT" girl is going to put on a happy face......she's going to pretend everything is just perfect for this opening....



Don't worry, Mother, I won't embarrass us this weekend...I won't embarrass you. I would never put your career in jeopardy, Mother...you're career is just as important as mine, isn 't it? You need it now. You need those fancy dinners...You love those fancy dinners. You've already met Al Gore; wouldn't want to put your meeting with Obama in jeopardy.



So I'll put on a shiny smiling face this weekend and pretend I'm happy.  When the cameras are on I'll say my movie is awesome. I'll say working with Jane was Grand. I'll say and do everything my publicist tells me because I'm a team player.



Dearest readers....bloggers of the world....I'm glad you're hear so that we can talk. Nobody else outside our little circle seems to understand. Me or anything....



****Looking for a bottle of jack and some razorss****

Tuesday Thinspiration

This is what beautiful looks like....Cate Blanchett looks amazing!









A little before and after action.....







She looks amazing!

Dude, I Am Turning Into a MAJOR Fatass

I just checked out a recent photo of me and I want to kill myself. How could I have gotten this fat?







Come on, Lindsay. Don't be such a freaking weakling. LOSE WEIGHT NOW! YOU ARE GOING TO LOOK LIKE THIS BARBIE CHICK IN ONE MONTH! YOU CAN DO IT!







NEW DIET STARTS TOMORROW!

These Pictures of Me Snorting Coke Do Not Prove That I'm a Coke Whore

Okay people....you may have seen the following pictures of me in a bathroom stall snorting up a fistfull of blow thru my snotwagon, but I assure you, especially all the girls out there who look up to me, that I am not a coke whore.









There's a difference between a coke whore and somebody who just snorts cocaine on occasion. Sure, I snort cocaine from time to time. I'm not afraid to admit it. But who is the real villain in these photos?



I think the real villain here is George W. Bush.



Do you know why we went to war in Afghanistan? No, it wasn't because of 9/11. George W. Bush never cared about 9/11 or the people that died. Bush went to war with those Arabs because he wanted to control the production of Poppies in Afghanistan. You know what's in poppy seeds? Opium. You know what those people make out of Opium?



Heroin.



George W. Bush wants to control the world's Heroin supply so that he can secretly and illegally sell it to black people and the poor so that he can put more money in the coffers of Haliburton.



You've heard it hear first.



Whoever took these photos of me snorting cocaine obviously wanted to take the attention away of far more serious crimes and issues in today's society, the first being George W. Bush's control of the world's Heroin supply.



So the next time you see pictures of me snorting drugs just think of the REAL issues the Main Stream Media and THIS GOVERNMENT doesn't want you to know about.



1. Bush doesn't care about 9/11

2. Bush wants to control the world's supply of Heroin.

3. Bush wants to get black people and the poor hooked on H.

4. I am not a coke whore.



Love & Laxatives,



Lindsay Lohan

Thursday Thinspiration

It's that time in the day where lunchtime is soon approaching and we have to do everything in our power to stay away from food. So I present you with some Thinspiration -- if you choose not to eat lunch this afternoon then you will look as beautiful as Lisa Bonet, who must have lost a thousand pounds since the last time I saw her on The Cosby Show when I was barely 5-years-old.

Ah, Anorexia is so beautiful!

Kate Bosworth Was A Total Fatass

Hey it's La Lohan -- bakk from hooking up with some dood at the Chateau Marmont's (yes, I still live there) lobby bathroom.I don't really care that's it's 2:30 Pacific Time and I'm already blitzed out of my freaking mind -- DRINKING AND BLOGGING IS FUN!



Have you checked out the recent pics of Kate Bosworth? She's on vacation or something and she's showing off her body. Just want to say good for her. She struggled with her weight for quiet some time. It's good to know that she can put down a cookie when she wants to and get down to a normal weight.



Here's a pic of Kate during her fatty days...







That's when she was filming Blue Crush. You can just see all the fat that's disguised as muscle. Disgusting. And look at that flab coming off her arms. If people ate humans her arms can feed a hungry family.



Next, here's some photo don't know when it was taken. She's getting a little skinnier, but still, some work needs to be done.







You still got some chunky-time over there when she bends her body sideways. Her publicist should tell her never to do that.



Now here's Kate now...a shining example of skinniness and perfection.







And look at the "normal" girl next to her. Well, that's called a Fat Ass. Kate was once a Fat Ass and now she's not.



I don't care what people tell you girls out there...if you look like that girl standing next to Kate you are not "normal." You have to lose weight. Obesity is one of the number one problems facing America's younth...I take it seriously. You have to start losing weight right now...if you don't you'll end up looking like the girl standing next to Kate...A Fatty.



xoxox



Lindsay Lohan