PARIS HILTON, A PORN STAR AND AN ANOREXIC WALK INTO A BAR...

Paris Hilton says to the Porn Star, "I'm Paris Hilton! Who are you?"

"I'm Jenna Jameson," says Jenna, and then Jenna looks at the Anorexic and says, "And who are you?"

Anorexic replies, "I am YOU!"

Then the anorexic farts two suppositories out of her butt and they hit Paris Hilton and the anorexic between the eyes and they both die.

You like my joke!?! LOL> I'm still working it out (THIS IS NOT A COMEDY BLOG, PEOPLE!).

I'm sure you're guessing I saw that pic of porn star Jenna Jameson that's going around. In case you haven't seen it, here it 'tis -- before and after:

Oh oh oh, Jenna. You are so in for it. Now it's you're turn.

The Olsens. Me. We are so Yesterday's Anorexics. It's you're turn to face the flames, the papapraazzis, the message boards, the boring f**king people in the comments of my blog who sit on their fat asses all day reading my blog because their own life is just too goddamn boring.

Jennna, it's your Anorexic Birthday.

Put on a hat and take a lax. There's a cake on the table, a toilet in the back. They are some knives, too, (if you're that type of girl).

This might seem like a party of one, but I assure you it's a party of many.

We are Anagirls. We party.

A lifestyle, not a disease.

Today you hate yourself. Tomorrow you celebrate yourself.

You'll want to throw away you're stomach on Monday, and buy it off ebay on Tuesday. Wednesday you'll give in to your friends and family and start eating again. On Thursday you'll gain a pound and consider yourself cured. On Friday you'll be blowing rainbows out of your mouth while rains outside.

And damn if that rain isn't going to feel so good.

Happy Anorexic Birthday, Jenna.

Hope it doesn't f**k you up like it did us.

Love & Laxatives,

La Lohan

THURSDAY THINSPIRATION

A friend of mine sent me this, not sure if I shared this with you guys before. The Goddess Bunny. In my opinion, this girl is just a tad too skinny. I bet if she gained five or ten pounds she'd be beautiful and learn how to walk more correctly. What's her deal? Is she retarded or just a little underweight? And she can't dance worth sh*t....she should work on that....anywho....here's it is...

The Goddess Bunny

(I can't embed YouTube for some reason? Bummer)

I'VE BEEN THINKING LATELY

...about a lot of things.

Have you ever walked down the street and felt that everybody was looking at you? It happens to me all the time...well I guess it happens to all of you, too, maybe. Friends...strangers....guys who want to bone you (or not). They start you down...at your tits...at your ass...never your eyes. That would be too emotional. That would be too much. But enough is never enough.

Sometimes when I go out I think most of my fans want to rape me. Not when I'm surrounded by hundreds of them....because that would be silly...only when I'm walking alone, down a street or somewhere.

I was in nyc this weekend. the people here don't leave you alone. They ALWAYS track me down whenever, wherever. In Los Angeles people usually don't talk to me...that's the "i'm too cool for school attitude" that's so prevalant there. I could take a dump on the floor of the Coffee Bean and nobody would bat an eye. They'll all act like they're my friends and stuff and just look away.

God LA. Get over yourself. I'M RIGHT HERE!!!

But I had a lot of fun here. Went Bungalow 8 with some friends on friday night. Drank some, danced some, and did some other things I can't really right about her without getting my AA sponsor worried (hi KIM!).

Even though walking in public can be a pain in nyc, going to the clubs is fun. They're super exclusive over here, and there's not a lot of paparaaziis. nobody sees the food i eat, the drinks i drink and how many times i run back and forth to the bathroom.

i've been getting these bruises on my body lately, don't know where they're coming from....is this because of my diet? i've been trying to lose a few pounds lately for this role. i'm not sure if it's from that exaxtly tho. when i was FULL BLOWN ANA i'd get them all the time. they'd be a mustard yellow and veiny blue. they never hurt much -- well i wasn't feeling much of anything then lol -- but they were every where....

okay well this was suppose to be a short post but..i've been feeling weird lately....good moods / bad moods....just want to tell you about them, cause i just feel like i have to. some of you in the comments can be soo funnny.

i just feel something is happening, i don't know what. like i'm getting intuitions or something. i dream weird....sweat...nothing feels quite right....

when i'm walking across a street or in my car i feel a dump truck is going to hit my at any second.

you ever get that feeling?

SOME FRIDAY THINSPIRATION FOR YA BITCHES

Hello, my fellow Ana-friends and Non-Ana-Friends!

How have you been? Do you miss me? I know you do, so don't lie. I just wanted to check in and say some hellos and give you a little THINSPIRATION for the weekend.

Do you know what time it is? It's lose weight time, that's what time it is. It's March. You only have a few months to get yourself in tip top shape for summer. Time for all your fatties to get skinny, and all you skinnies to look like Victoria Beckham. Check this bitch out!

Check out how little her legs are -- not even two inches across. She must look amazing in a bikini. Some girls might be worried that they'll get too skinny and break a leg or something, but you'd be surprised by how resilient the human body is to injury.

Ah, perfection. I cannot even tell you how jealous I am of Victoria. I AM SO HAPPY she's moving Los Angeles soon. I think I'm going to learn a lot. So many people are giving her flack for moving here...for looking pretty...for being married to one of the most gorgeous men alive! Whatevs. She's beautiful and you people are just jealous. Don't shoot the messenger if you're gonna be so sour because you're fat.

Speaking of losing weight, I think I need to lose a few. I have DEFINTELY gained back some weight since I cut down my drinking and drug use. If it wasn't for the cigs that I'm smoking I'd turn into a blimp. Check out this recent paparazzi photo of me.

Holy chunk rolls. Is that a gut or am I just happy to see someone! Jesus Freakin' Fathole.

Time to hit gym, stick my finger down my throat and barf up some cigarette tar.