LINDSAY LOHAN'S EMACIATION PROCLAMATION

Hi! I'm Lindsay Lohan: singer, actress and a PROUD anorexic! Anywho, welcome to my website! Here is where you'll come to get the skinny on my personal life and how YOU TOO can eventually look like Skeletor. Be sure read and take the "Emaciation Proclamation" oath and you'll soon be on your way to looking beautifully anorexic. Update: I'm in Utah, totally dreaming of booze.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Promises Rehab Is A Joke

Yes, it's true. Promises is a joke. I tell this to all my counselors here and all they do is shake their head. They're in denial. They think they're going to save me. They think that I'll stop drinking as soon as I'm out of here. They think that I won 't snort coke off a urinal or start making out with random chicks when I go to the clubs.

The people here, they make me want to vomit and laugh at the same time.

Take a look at my schedule here.

7AM: Wake Up
7:30AM: Morning Meditation
8AM: Breakfast
9AM: Gym/Acupuncture
11AM: Meeting No. 1
Noon: Lunch
1:30PM: Yoga
3:30PM: Meeting No. 2
5PM: Dinner
6:30PM: Meeting No. 3
9:30PM: Wrap-Up
Midnight: Bedtime

This place is more a spa than a place to treat heroin addicts. I don't know whether to meditate or cry. Let's take a look at all the people who have been here in the past:
  • Britney Spears
  • Ben Affleck
  • Robert Downey Jr.
  • Selma Blair
  • Matthew Perry
  • Charlie Sheen
  • Yasmine Bleeth
These are probably the saddest excuses for celebrities I've ever seen in my entire life. What have become of these people? They are all losers now, especially Ben Affleck, who pretends to be all fatherly and crap with his new wife and kid. Give me a break. I bet he plays beer pong with his kid. Rehab hasn't help these people and it sure isn't going to help me.

I am so damn bored I just want to stick a fork in my eye.

posted by Lindsay "Skinny" Lohan @ 4:13 PM

4 Comments:

At 10:40 PM, Blogger Jenny said...

life at the rehab sounds pretty healthy! good for you lol better than me sitting around at home bored to death

 
At 4:51 PM, Anonymous WTF said...

Hohan I LOVE you being in rehab!

At least now we only have to see a few pictures of you a week instead of every day.

Please stay in another 60 days!!!

 
At 9:44 PM, Anonymous Sweetmamagirl said...

This has got to be one of THE best blogs I've ever grazed my eyes upon...It is utterly inspirational, I've already lost like 50 pounds and hope for 100 more, now I have motivation...keep up the excellent blogging!!

 
At 8:51 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hope U stay in rehab.Then I don't have to hear about you trying to KILL yourself. That would be a dream. I can't believe you want to KILL yourself! How stupid can ppl b these days. You were my hero, now your convincing thin girls to KILL themselves to just b a stupid bony A.S.S. girl! See ya'll bony 13itches!

 

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