I am so not a coke whore!!!!

In between my Pilates class and a tricycle stroll in Malibu this morning I heard reports that my toxicology reports came back from the place and there have been traces of cocaine in my bloodstream.

I want to set the record straight: Like Paris Hilton, who finally admitted to never taking drugs in her life, I too have never taken drugs. I've never seen a joint. I've never snorted blow off Aaron Carter's penis.

I have been living a lie.

I used to think it was cool to tell people I like shoving cocaine up my nose and vagina. But no, it's not cool. Drugs are bad. They're bad stuff.

And why am I in rehab if I've never used drugs?

Because I'm doing research for a movie i want to make about what's it's like to be famous in Hollywood. Plus, I like being by the beach.

"But Lindsay" you're probably saying, "What about all that blow the cops found in your car?"

It's wasn't mine, plane and simple. It must have been my mexican gardner. I'm sending him back to Mexico.

And the toxicology report that came back saying cocaine was in my blood? More research for the movie. If blowjobs don't count as sex, then putting cocaine inside your nose for a movie isn't really "doing cocaine."

Later sluts,

Love & Laxatives

LL