I Have Nothing Against Asians, I Just Don't Date Them

Okay, for the record people. I am not dating DJ Aoki, and it's not because he's Asian. It's because I heard Asians aren't that well endowed. Me being the celebrity that I am, I must uphold standards. I am Lindsay Lohan after all. People expect me to be with someone beautiful. Not this:

LOL APRIL FOOLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Did I get you? Since everyone and their drunken mother was doing there little lame April Fool's jokes the other day I thought I'd skip out and do mine a few days later. Hahahaha. You thought I hate Asians. LOL. I so do not hate orientals at all.



But really, every since I've had my photos snaped with Aoki, people want to right stories saying I that I have finally found somebody.

I'm sorry to report that I am still very much single. Dating, yet single. <My old rehab counselor says i'm not ready for a relationship yet. First he's says I need to get a plant. Make sure it lives for a few months. Then I get a dog. Make sure it lives for a year. Then after that, when nothing or noone in my life is dead or dying, then maybe i can get into a full blown relationship.



Until then I'm just going to date as many guys as I can and not get committed to anyone. Commitment is so overrated anyway. I like dating a lot of guys. It's not slutty for girls to date a lot. If I was a guy people would think I was "just being a guy." People see a girl who dates a lot and they call her a slut. I might be slutty but I'm not a slut.



I started having sex when I was 17 years old. Now that I'm in my twenties I've had more than my fair share of guys. I think all girls should start having sex -- NOT AT A CERTAIN AGE -- but when they think they're ready. Or when they're friends start having sex. Oprah makes such a big deal that kids have oral sex in the back of a bus, or thro rainbow parties --- this is what people do, Oprah. Get off your hi hourse and have some FUN. Just cause you can't have babies and you used to be a crack addict, don't ruin our fun.



IN THE FUTURE, WE ARE ONLY GOING TO LIVE ONCE.





In other news, wannabe anorexic rawker queen Courtney Love needs to stop sun bathing.

STRECH THAT STOMACH OUT, COURTNEY! NOW THAT'S THE WAY TO MAKE YOURSELF SKINNIER! LOLZ!!!!!!







WoW. This picture might be the best argument on why people might want NOT lose weight and stay fat. The Quartnee Love Syndrome.

Love & Laxatives,



LL



P.S. I have a Twitter account, bitches. You can keep up with when I'm puking on your mobile or IM. I AM AWESOME.