I'VE BEEN THINKING LATELY

...about a lot of things.

Have you ever walked down the street and felt that everybody was looking at you? It happens to me all the time...well I guess it happens to all of you, too, maybe. Friends...strangers....guys who want to bone you (or not). They start you down...at your tits...at your ass...never your eyes. That would be too emotional. That would be too much. But enough is never enough.

Sometimes when I go out I think most of my fans want to rape me. Not when I'm surrounded by hundreds of them....because that would be silly...only when I'm walking alone, down a street or somewhere.

I was in nyc this weekend. the people here don't leave you alone. They ALWAYS track me down whenever, wherever. In Los Angeles people usually don't talk to me...that's the "i'm too cool for school attitude" that's so prevalant there. I could take a dump on the floor of the Coffee Bean and nobody would bat an eye. They'll all act like they're my friends and stuff and just look away.

God LA. Get over yourself. I'M RIGHT HERE!!!

But I had a lot of fun here. Went Bungalow 8 with some friends on friday night. Drank some, danced some, and did some other things I can't really right about her without getting my AA sponsor worried (hi KIM!).

Even though walking in public can be a pain in nyc, going to the clubs is fun. They're super exclusive over here, and there's not a lot of paparaaziis. nobody sees the food i eat, the drinks i drink and how many times i run back and forth to the bathroom.

i've been getting these bruises on my body lately, don't know where they're coming from....is this because of my diet? i've been trying to lose a few pounds lately for this role. i'm not sure if it's from that exaxtly tho. when i was FULL BLOWN ANA i'd get them all the time. they'd be a mustard yellow and veiny blue. they never hurt much -- well i wasn't feeling much of anything then lol -- but they were every where....

okay well this was suppose to be a short post but..i've been feeling weird lately....good moods / bad moods....just want to tell you about them, cause i just feel like i have to. some of you in the comments can be soo funnny.

i just feel something is happening, i don't know what. like i'm getting intuitions or something. i dream weird....sweat...nothing feels quite right....

when i'm walking across a street or in my car i feel a dump truck is going to hit my at any second.

you ever get that feeling?