DEAR MORGAN CREEP FREAKING DOUCHE BAG

Dearest Morgan Creep Executive,

I don't know what to say about your recent letter that was hand delivered to my current residency in the John Bulsushi Suite at The Shato Marmont in Hollywood. How dare you say that I'm acting like a spoiled little brat for not showing up for work? How dare you say that I'm acting incourteious to the other actresses in the movie? Do you not realize that it was as hot as a sweaty buck crack this week? Do you like it when your the hair on your talent looks like a wet pair of boxers that have been collecting ball sweat all day? I don't think so. I was not partying like you wrote...I was inside my suite....sick as a dog from all the heat! It is HOT out there! Do I need to repeat myself because I think I just did because it's SO FREAKING HOT OUTSIDE!!!!

And you know what..Mr. Morgan Creep. I think YOUR BEING a spoiled brat. "OH LOOK AT ME! I'M MISTER STUDIO EXECTUTIVE! I'M 70-YEARS-OLD AND I'M ABOUT TO DIE! MY NUTS ARE SHRIVILED!!! OH I'M SO COOL! WATCH ME MAKE MOVIES!"

I hate you. It's Hollywood Execs like you that make this whole town evil. So what if the talent wants to party because it's so freaking hot outside and she doesn't show up to work and instead chills out and does some drugs. That's what we do. And what should you do? Shut up like the ass-sucking movie exec that you are and treat your talent like Hollywood's ever treated them. Like we're awesome. Because we are...

Love & Laxatives,

LL

NOW WOULDN'T YOU LIKE TO SNORT COCAINE OFF MY FLAT STOMACH?

So I was at Ari's house the other day for party and someone's like, can I take a few pictures of you, and I'm "I don't know" and then they're like, "Oh come on, you look beatiful" and I was like "You're right!" so I did, I posed, and the result is that I know now what I assume I always knew but was to afraid to come right out and say it for fear of being labelled a bragger.

I am one hot piece of ass.

There...although that's embarrassing, isn't it!?! Doesn't sound like me I think! I just never thought I was a bragger!

If anything I hope this latest improntu amateur-porn like suit will make people believe that I am healthy again. I am looking good. I'm not "tooo" skinny. I'm fit. I'm strong. My breasts are just about back and I'm ready to get my career back on track and stop all this bickering with all these young diva rich girls. Yes, I'm talking to you Paris. Yes, Ashely...my freckles are pointing in your raggedy ass direction. I'm willing to call a truce if you are...let's just act like adults here and move on with our lives.

Oh, btw: what do you think of this bathing suit? I kinda like the beige color. A friend of mine said it looks kind of vomity. I dunno? Does it? I think it's great, espec if you're going for that see thru kinda look. Look nude w/o being nude! RFLOMA!?!?

More good news! I've hooked up with Regan Publishing and I'm now going to write a diet book! It's called Back From the Brink: One Actress' Rollercoaster Ride from Hollywood to The Bathroom and Back, due in stores in the Fall probably. It's kinda of gonna be a little personal and embarrassing...so don't laugh...I just think if you're gonna write anything these days it has to be personal and meaningful...kind of like this blog write? Us celebrities are always told to watch what we say and do. We're managed. We have people telling us where do go, what movies to take, what interviews to give. You'd think they'd be managing our bathroom schedules, too. No more. No one's getting involved in this book but me. No ghost writers here.

Me.

Lohan.

Naked. Before the World.

To Put Down Here What Should Be Left to Say Come Time After Death.

Love Ya Bitches,

LL

SEE, DON'T I LOOK DAMN GOOD?

Breaking news...my boobs are looking damn good these days. Dontcha think?