WE ALL DO IT

If Kate Moss showed the world that pretty people snort lots of cocaine to remain sexy and skinny, they should also know that we take lots and lots of other stuff...one of them is my favorite way to lose weight...laxatives! Once you take a laxative, the poo just shoots out your ass like a chocolaty waterfull...the feeling is....dare I say....replenishing and erotic. I love my liquid laxatives....they're wonderful.

And from the looks of it...so does my friend Rachel Hunter.

I AM GETTING FAT

So I decide to stop snorting cocaine for a week and this is what happens to me!??! It looks like I have a triple cheesburger for a chin! It's off to the gym, and then to Kate Moss ex-drug dealer!

HOLD THE CHEESE

Sometimes I hate myself,
Sometimes I want to shave myself
my wrists
Sometimes I want to bleed
just so I can feel real,
Sometimes I'm a star, and I feel like a star,
but if they knew me, that I go home and stare in the mirror,
that I bend over a toilet,
and vomit all of the night into the water,
if they knew what I knew,
that to 'fake it' is easier than acting,
that 'wishing it away' is what i do..
when i'm signing autographs,
when i'm holding an award,
when i'm soaking in the sun,
when i'm driving in my benz,
when i'm alone at night,

Oh Katie Moss,
they've figured us out
Sharp razor blades have a couple uses and I use them all.
I snort straight,
I cut my legs straight,
In front of the cameras, I act straight.
Then why does my mind not feel 'straight'?

SUMMER IS SKINNY, TOURISTS ARE FAT

Here is a great picture that illustrates my point about how everyone should try to look skinny. (click the pic to enlarge) Look at Rachel Bilson here...she stars in The O.C. Now look at those fat cows standing next to her. Makes you want to kill yourself right? Well, instead of killing yourself, just stick your fat finger down your throat and vomit all over your feet. Then maybe -- MAYBE -- you'll look as good as Rachel. Me and her are going to be such BFFs. I just know it. She's skinny. I'm skinny. We both like to make fun of big fat cows (like those fat whores in the picture).

Matter fact...I'm gonna give Rach a call right now. She's MY thinspiration.

Love & Laxatives,

-L.LO

p.s. thanks for liquidgeneration's suck my blog for the pic! that slippy jenkins is soooo hot!

WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?

You know, I've been watching all this Hurricane Coverage, like we all have, and with all those reports of people not getting a drink of water or anything to eat...I just have to say...what's the BIG FRICKIN' DEAL?

I go, like, DAYS AND WEEK, without eating a single thing. Last winter when I went on my LA SUPER FAST I swear to god that I was pooing air bubbles out of my ass. Nothing feels better. And now I turn on the television and this people are crying about how nobody's delivering them food or water....please people. Over half of you are terribly obese any. I've never seen so many fat people trapped on roofs in my life. I'm kind of wondering with all those people evacuating NOLA, that there wasn't an earthquake to. The stampead should have cause at least a 7.2 on the ricktor scale. And how about those people trapped on the roofs? Why couldn't they just swim away? Or better yet, float their fat asses to higher shore. I'm so sick of fat people waiting for everyone to do something for them...where's the initiative!!!!!!

Despite these people being cry babies, I'm thinking of donating some money. It's the least I can do. But not to the Red Cross. Maybe Jenny Craig. Does she have a Hurricane Relief Fund for All The FatAss On The Roofs Who Can't Escape Because They're Too Freakin' Fat? I hope so. I don't want to have to buy 100,000 Rockin' To The Oldies DVDs.

One thing's for sure, I won't be getting crunked in NOLA any time soon...which is a shame because Tara and I were planning to go there soon and get blitzed-to-the-tits wasted on Margaritas and flash our boobies, or what's left of mine.

How I miss my boobies.

I'll bring'em back for you someday.

-L.LO