John Mayer's Soul
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Why Stand-Up Comedy Needs John Mayer
I've got some advice to future comics out there: stay out of my way. You know how Oprah isn't satisfied until she's taken over TV, books, and Broadway? Well, I'm not satisfied until I take over music, saving the environment, and stand-up comedy! I guess I'm an ambitious, fast-moving guy, and if you can't keep up, you're gonna get left behind on The Mayer Express.
In case you missed it, here's a recent clip of me doing stand-up:
So, why stand-up? Because every working stand-up today is terrible. Dane Cook, Jeff Foxworthy, Larry The Cable Guy, Dave Chappelle, Patton Oswalt, David Cross, Lewis Black and all the Kings, Queens, and Arch Bishops of Comedy are terrible. Bad. Atrocious. Unfunny. God awful. Sickening. Okay, you get the idea.
But just in case you don't: Louis CK, Demetri Martin, Eddie Izzard, Zach Galifianakis, Mitch Hedberg, Robin Williams, Jamie Kennedy, Jim Gaffigan, Jerry Seinfeld, Gilbert Gottfried, Dom Irrera and Don Rickles all make me want to vomit. And don't even get me started on women stand-ups. Is there a funny one? No, there isn't.
Frankly, I'm volunteering. I don't even really want to do stand-up. I don't like it that much, but someone ought to step up and bring the funny. And if these so-called "comics" can't do it, I guess a blues musician will have to.
To put it another way, stand-up comedy needs me a lot more than I need it!
In case you missed it, here's a recent clip of me doing stand-up:
So, why stand-up? Because every working stand-up today is terrible. Dane Cook, Jeff Foxworthy, Larry The Cable Guy, Dave Chappelle, Patton Oswalt, David Cross, Lewis Black and all the Kings, Queens, and Arch Bishops of Comedy are terrible. Bad. Atrocious. Unfunny. God awful. Sickening. Okay, you get the idea.
But just in case you don't: Louis CK, Demetri Martin, Eddie Izzard, Zach Galifianakis, Mitch Hedberg, Robin Williams, Jamie Kennedy, Jim Gaffigan, Jerry Seinfeld, Gilbert Gottfried, Dom Irrera and Don Rickles all make me want to vomit. And don't even get me started on women stand-ups. Is there a funny one? No, there isn't.
Frankly, I'm volunteering. I don't even really want to do stand-up. I don't like it that much, but someone ought to step up and bring the funny. And if these so-called "comics" can't do it, I guess a blues musician will have to.
To put it another way, stand-up comedy needs me a lot more than I need it!
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Change The World Today
I'm putting daily tips on this blog for how you can lead a better life. They're in the sidebar.
You're welcome.
You're welcome.
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
I'm a Jungle Cat!
Ignore that press release about breaking up with Jess... for now.
That's the thing about me. I'm like a jungle cat. One minute I'm quietly stalking you in the jungle, the next minute I'm jumping on top of you, claws ripping you apart, eating your entrails, and the following minute I'm back in the jungle, licking my paws. You can't predict me. No "press release" or "written statement" or "thing I said" will stick when it comes to me. The truth isn't some piece of paper you sign and date -- it's a Transformer, changing from a truck to a robot to god only knows what.
I'm a wild man. Rrrowwrrr... and Jess was amazing last night.
Too much information? Well, hold on folks, because you never know how much information you're gonna get with me! Never!
(Me.)
That's the thing about me. I'm like a jungle cat. One minute I'm quietly stalking you in the jungle, the next minute I'm jumping on top of you, claws ripping you apart, eating your entrails, and the following minute I'm back in the jungle, licking my paws. You can't predict me. No "press release" or "written statement" or "thing I said" will stick when it comes to me. The truth isn't some piece of paper you sign and date -- it's a Transformer, changing from a truck to a robot to god only knows what.
I'm a wild man. Rrrowwrrr... and Jess was amazing last night.
Too much information? Well, hold on folks, because you never know how much information you're gonna get with me! Never!
(Me.)Friday, May 18, 2007
Press Release
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:
CONTACT:
John Mayer
johnmayerblues@gmail.com
http://www.liquidgeneration.com/blog/johnmayer/blogger.html
LEGENDARY MUSICIAN JOHN MAYER ENDS OKAY RELATIONSHIP WITH WELL- ENDOWED POP SINGER JESSICA SIMPSON
Wishes To Remain “Friends,” Open To Future Sexual Encounters.
New York, NY, May 18th, 2007 - Blues singer and global warming activist John Mayer has decided to put an end to his once sexually exciting, but ultimately boring and frustrating relationship with pop tart Jessica Simpson.
The newly single Mayer, a multiple Grammy Award winner with a mind-blowing summer tour beginning on June 1st, decided enough was enough. “We tried to work things out, but ultimately our priorities in life are very different,” says Mayer. “I want to bring truth to the world with music and stop the ice caps from melting, whereas Jess is more interested with the exposure and maintenance of her breasts.”
“However, I would still be open to the possibility of future one night stands and sexual encounters,” adds Mayer. “In a few months from now, that could work out.”
John wishes Jessica well, and hopes she'll stop crying soon. Mayer will be seeing other people: highly desirable, sexually attractive women who are not looking for a relationship right now (and as usual, lucky concert-goers). There will always be a place in John’s heart for Jessica, her family, and Jessica’s paparazzi followers, which gave him free publicity for his upcoming tour.
“Ladies, look out,” says Mayer, seductively. “Cause blues artists / environmental crusaders do it better.”
###
JOHN MAYER is a handsome, talented, highly successful artist, activist, and thinker. Though legendary for his blues music, John is also gifted at stand-up comedy, blogging and birdhouse creation. He is most comfortable dating women ages 19-28.
CONTACT:
John Mayer
johnmayerblues@gmail.com
http://www.liquidgeneration.com/blog/johnmayer/blogger.html
LEGENDARY MUSICIAN JOHN MAYER ENDS OKAY RELATIONSHIP WITH WELL- ENDOWED POP SINGER JESSICA SIMPSON
Wishes To Remain “Friends,” Open To Future Sexual Encounters.
New York, NY, May 18th, 2007 - Blues singer and global warming activist John Mayer has decided to put an end to his once sexually exciting, but ultimately boring and frustrating relationship with pop tart Jessica Simpson.The newly single Mayer, a multiple Grammy Award winner with a mind-blowing summer tour beginning on June 1st, decided enough was enough. “We tried to work things out, but ultimately our priorities in life are very different,” says Mayer. “I want to bring truth to the world with music and stop the ice caps from melting, whereas Jess is more interested with the exposure and maintenance of her breasts.”
“However, I would still be open to the possibility of future one night stands and sexual encounters,” adds Mayer. “In a few months from now, that could work out.”
John wishes Jessica well, and hopes she'll stop crying soon. Mayer will be seeing other people: highly desirable, sexually attractive women who are not looking for a relationship right now (and as usual, lucky concert-goers). There will always be a place in John’s heart for Jessica, her family, and Jessica’s paparazzi followers, which gave him free publicity for his upcoming tour.
“Ladies, look out,” says Mayer, seductively. “Cause blues artists / environmental crusaders do it better.”
###
JOHN MAYER is a handsome, talented, highly successful artist, activist, and thinker. Though legendary for his blues music, John is also gifted at stand-up comedy, blogging and birdhouse creation. He is most comfortable dating women ages 19-28.
Friday, May 11, 2007
My 'Mayer'-Bag (aka My Mailbag)
Thank you for your concern, Michele. My relationship with Jessica is about more than sex, though the sex is great -- I mean, really great -- and is one of the most important parts of our relationship. She is a suitable girlfriend for me, and even though we're considered to be on very different spectrums of the music world (pop singer vs. legendary blues guitarist), and even though it's hard to communicate with her when our needs and desires are so different (outside appearance vs. crusading for truth / fighting global warming), we always have one thing in common: great sex. That always brings us together, if you know what I mean.
Thank you for writing, Michele. Feel free to send more email to my Mayer-Bag (Mailbag): johnmayerblues @ gmail.
I thought I'd share with you a lovely email I received from a devoted fan. I love these emails, though the sentiment here is one I get a lot in my "Mayer-Bag" (Mailbag). This one's from Michele:
"Love your music. The lyrics are so deep and very poetic. I have been a fan since Room for Squares and have attended all of your Houston shows. Please though for the love of God find a more suitable girlfriend. She is not at all worthy of you and your talent. Just a thought. :-) I am sure it is mostly all about the sex."
Thank you for your concern, Michele. My relationship with Jessica is about more than sex, though the sex is great -- I mean, really great -- and is one of the most important parts of our relationship. She is a suitable girlfriend for me, and even though we're considered to be on very different spectrums of the music world (pop singer vs. legendary blues guitarist), and even though it's hard to communicate with her when our needs and desires are so different (outside appearance vs. crusading for truth / fighting global warming), we always have one thing in common: great sex. That always brings us together, if you know what I mean.Thank you for writing, Michele. Feel free to send more email to my Mayer-Bag (Mailbag): johnmayerblues @ gmail.
