An armless pianist.

American Apparel just ended their Best Bottom In The World contest; you can see the top three butts right here. There were over a thousand entries, and the winner will be flown to LA for a special photoshoot, but if their really lucky they'll probably be sexual harrassed by CEO Dov Charney (yippee!)!

This competition is a little crazy. I mean, forget about the Top 3 Best Butts...here are the Top 20. For the life of me I cannot figure out what is wrong with any of these or how one can be better than the other. They all look the same and by "same" I mean I would shoot a dozen puppies just to see them in person. Don't believe me? Just try it, ladies! Come to my office and see what will happen!

But what about the big time losers in this contest? Did anybody really submit a butt that wasn't attractive? I clicked my mouse over a hundred times to find out.

THE TOP 5 UGLIEST BUTTS IN THE WORLD

Now, there were a bunch of people with scores of zero. We're not going to count those because they probably entered the contest late and their butts are just too nice to be losers, so we suspect there is a glitch in The Matrix. We just took the lowest of the scores that weren't 0.0. Here's what we found.

5. Carlos. Score: 1.24

Why did they let dudes enter this contest? A major fail on the part of the organizers. Plus, his photo is in black & white. Fail on top of Fail.

4. Alisa. Score: 1.22

I'm not sure where the ass is on this lady, or if it's really a lady. It could be a dude like Carlos. I don't really want to investigate any further.

3. JL. Score: 1.21

Hairy legs! A Sure winner we tell you (maybe in Afghanistan)!

2. Shyla. Score: 1.19

Am I missing something? Where is this lady's butt? Did it fall off on her way to the meth lab? I really want to know as to avoid the town she live in.

And the #1 Ugliest Butt In The World....

1. Raggedy. Score: 1.17

There is no cottage cheese in this woman's butt. It's pure milkshake. 2%. And thank God she's wearing black underwear. We don't really want to know what's happening behind that bikini.

(via American Apparel's Best Bottom Contest)

In my quest for pop culture knowledge, I watched the first episode of this season' American Idol.

What do I have to report?

You are going to see lots of tummies this Spring. If Celebrity Rehab (just watched a clip online) has taught us anything, it's that you don't have to be a winner to be a trend setter. I might not be in touch, but I do have somewhat of an erie talent for trend spotting, and if my senses are on the money, Janet McNamara is going to really leave her belly print on the halls and bathrooms of fashion this Spring and Fall. Over the next couple of months, expect to see even more jelly bellies than on Easter, which is actually in a couple of months.

Plus, don't be surprised if Janet doesn't turn out to be more successful in the long run than Ruben Studdard, just like everyone else. I can't imagine that the producers of the American Idol video game won't license her likeness for use as some sort of hidden character in the next edition of the game.

Furthermore, she inspired me to get pumped for my next job interview.

Chuck McCarthy is the mastermind behind IdeasByChuck.com, where he gives away great ideas in the hopes that you turn them into reality and remember to send him a small percentage of your profits. He Twitters here and Tumbls here. Chuck will be guest blogging for LiquidGeneration the next couple weeks!

This holiday season we're going to be giving you gift ideas, and here's our first. It's a doozy and we have no idea whether this is for real or not but it must be posted here. It's a Kosher Prostate exam. Do you have to be Jewish to receive one? Who knows! But this sounds like a real winner of a gift for Dads or people who just like their anal cavitity rubbed (and who doesn't?!?).

If you have any awesome gift ideas that we should know about, please email us at talkback@liquidgeneration.com. We'd love to hear about it.

(via Talk Like A Gentlmen)