This English cat waits every morning for his owner to pick him up nearly a mile from the house. No one knows where he goes or why, but every morning he is waiting at the exact same place at 8 am.

Decent Photoshop or white trash soup kitchen? Hmm Olive Garden sounds really appetizing all of a sudden.

… because we can’t let the terrorists win.

Awww dressed up like Snow White, rabies all of a sudden isn't so scary.

Ms. Olsen #1 looks better here than she does during any other given day. The undead look works for you, live it.

Sexy rails outside of a prostitutes house, or Dr Ruth's office? You are not even reading this are you? Pervert.

In theaters 2-15-08. A family settles into its vacation home, which happens to be the next stop for a pair of young, articulate, white-gloved serial killers on an excursion through the neighborhood.

"I hate our house kids, lets move out of this run down shat shack. No just leave it, go go go!"

Someone left Dina Lohan in the dryer too long and she done shrunked. 3 feet or not, she still plans on furiously ruining her daughters life.

Thank god! Finally a place we can take our families without having to deal with all those damned homos! We will never again have to worry about gay men breaking into our houses and having anal sex in front of our children or us.

Are you as revolted by the Meg White Sex Tape as this reporter is? We hope so.

Lindsay Lohan has either been working out in rehab, or hiding coke in her trunk. Skinny drug addict white girls don’t have butts like this. We smell trouble!

Brits will pay $1,500 for a new sport stiletto designed by failed artists at Fisher Price. Designed for the Socialite on the go, this shoe is sure to scream "Special Olympics".

Mary-Kate Olsen is now starring in Weeds. She once starred in Full House. Here the two characters meet for the first time.

Heidi Montag took the form of a great white shark and nearly swallowed her Hills arch enemy LC. Unfortunately, neither was injured.

Britney Spears proves that she can leave the house without looking like a Hurricane Katrina victim.

"OK so get this officer, I was chasing a burglar out of my house, right? Then my pants just shot off into the street and he pulled out a gun, I got scared and I..."

White water rafting with a cat can be dangerous. And not just because of the claws!

Sisley's new controversial ad campaign features skinny models with their eyes rolled back, snorting "lines" off a white dress. Apparently spelling "fashion" like "heroin" is also chic, now.

God hated the muffins you sent him; don’t let it happen again or he'll get your house, too.