Looks like Paris's wonky lazy eye gets kicked into overhaul when she's wasted! These are real before-and-after photos of her recent night out at Teddy's.

When you crack open this piñata, little US Army men fall out! Let's inspect it for WMDs!

Beeping out words is funny. It's even funnier when you do it to un-dirty words! What did Bush just say??

The only thing harder than being black in Aspen is being Irish in Kuala Lumpur.

Dan Marino gets mad when he screws up his own lines -- but you should see him when Chris Berman cuts him off!

When the world's cruelest parents get creative, their children pay the price.

Britney, when will you learn that we want pizza on a PLATE, not on your FACE!

Note to self: when catching a ride on back of boyfriend's crotch rocket, don't wear a mini-skirt, and don't EVER wear a g-string!

These Asian gymnasts put even Cirque de Soleil to shame when it comes to child labor and head-leaps.

When trying to impress a hot chick, always overdo it to the point of pissing her off.

The manitee from Cocan O'Brien meets Inside the Actor's Studio's James Lipton. Weeeeiird.

Sometimes when you gotta go, you gotta go… on a fountian, next to some tourists.

What happens when you're at the mall with your dog and some lady keeps spraying people's legs with water? Let's find out!!

This truck may only be a semi, but is fully pimped-out. Who needs trucker speed when you have 2,500,000 watts of neon keeping you awake!

This is the kinda technology that the paparazzi need. Turn into a camera, take some photos of Britney's crotch, then transform into a car and drive away when Linsday Lohan tries to hit you with her car.

The harder part is when she tries to get OUT of the suit.

The tragic part comes when you wash the words off, and you can't remember which side is which.

Messengers keep looking busy when they wear this shirt!

Oh Andre, it's a sad, sad day when Dakota is dressed better than you.

Be careful when photocopying at work! And always wear panties.