Helga Mohammed el-Salami Author Image

Dear Helga I Gained Weight

By: Helga Mohammed el-Salami
November 18 2009, 5:28 PM

Dear Helga,

I’ve always been fit, but recently, I’ve been stressed out and working a lot, and I’ve put on 10 pounds. I’m horrified by it, but my boyfriend says that he can’t tell the difference. I find that extremely hard to believe. Are guys really that nonchalant about weight?

Dear Tenner,

Of the few certainties in life, you can be certain of two things: 1.) men don’t fake orgasm – and 2.) are NOT nonchalant about YOUR weight.

Even though your BF may be carrying the last 50 beers he drank around his belly, your extra dime is a bigger crown of thorns for him than for you. But – he is wisely taking the passive approach – for now. He wants to see if you are really as horrified as you claim to be.

Get your tonnage back to the gym big-cheeks. You’re not following process. First you marry him and pop out 2.5 children THEN you can cut your hair, gain your weight, quit your job and whatever else you women do before settling on the couch for the next 30 years.  

Love,

Helga

Helga Mohammed el-Salami

Do you have a question that can only be answered by our uncircumcised, pre-operative transsexual? Write to him/her: helga@helgasmailroom.com

Or Visit: http://www.helgasmailroom.com

Or, better yet, get bent.

 

 
Slippy Jenkins Author Image

Who Has The Best CGI/Animated Chesticles?

By: Slippy Jenkins
November 12 2009, 12:18 PM

In this month's Playboy Magazine, supernerd James Cameron said he designed his female Avatar aliens with breasts, even though they're not placental mammals (don't worry, we have no idea what that means either!). Since the movie cost around $500 million and it's in 3D, we can only hope that those boobs are so amazing they pop out of the screen and punch us in the face so hard they give us a black eye. We hope! But what if they aren't? Whose computer generated/animated boobs will you fall back on?

We've always been partial to Angelina Jolie in Beowulf, which you probably didn't see because the movie sucked. But damn, look! They even made her eyes look like she wants nothing to do with us, just like in real life!

 

Do you have any favorite computer generated characters? Share in the comments. Watch our 10 Sexiest Cartoon Characters if you need a little help deciding.

 
Slippy Jenkins Author Image

Ball Busting Vids Will Make You Impotent

By: Slippy Jenkins
November 09 2009, 3:31 PM

If God was so smart, why did he design male genetalia to be 1) as low as it is and 2) totally unprotected. He gave turtles a hardshell and that animal is just about useless if you ask me. Humans created space shuttles, heavy metal music and Maury Povich. They should be protected, especially the itsty bitsy parts of them that makes babies. Such poor design decisions, God. If Steve Jobs was your boss you'd be totally fired.

Today, as Nancy Pelosi was walking somewhere and being important, a reporter following her totally crashed his balls into something that was not a Femaie Baby Incubator. Here's that video, and some others featuring guys who might not be able to get an erection anymore.

 

Reporter takes a dive. Woops.

 

We feel that the Japanese dudes featured in this video actually LOVE being hit in the crotch.

 

This guy's balls actually flew up through his stomach and out of his mouth, but you can't see it due to YouTube's crappy video quality.

 

Finally, these guys are true friends.

 

 

Hot or Heavy?

Hot or Heavy?

We show you the picture of a girl's face and you have to guess whether she's a hotty or a big fat lady! It's hard. That's what she said!

 

Kristen Bell in Heroes Season 4??

Kristen Bell in Heroes Season 4??

Is that Kristen Bell, wearing red, in the upper left corner? Isn't living hard, after someone ate your brain?

 

10 King of the Hill Fan Favorites

10 King of the Hill Fan Favorites

Hard to believe after 13 years, King of the Hill is going off the air. Here are ten reasons we're going to miss the show.

 

This Hot Tub's Too Small

This Hot Tub's Too Small

After a nice hard day of work, nothing feels better than squeezing your way into a hot tub with another person. This is a lie.

 

Fat Chicks Shouldn't Ride Bulls

Fat Chicks Shouldn't Ride Bulls

If you don't believe us, check out this video. It'd be cruel, if the woman involved didn't look like she was laughing as hard as everyone else.

 

Automatic Doors Are Confusing

Automatic Doors Are Confusing

Here's a man who has never walked through an Automatic Door, and will probably never again.

 

Heartless Boobies

Heartless Boobies

These boobs will walk all over you with 9-inch heels.

 

You've Been Hoff'd!

You've Been Hoff'd!

Imagine walking into your office and seeing this. What would you do? Masturbate or run away as far as you can?

 

Michael Jackson Baby Will Freak You Out

Michael Jackson Baby Will Freak You Out

Tonight, as you're lying in bed thinking of Michael Jackson, don't be alarmed if this baby doll is walking across your ceiling.

 

Kelly Ripa's Stomach Is Gross

Kelly Ripa's Stomach Is Gross

Is that a penis or alien growing out of Kelly Ripa's stomach? Please, let us know, at it will help decide how hard we want to hurl.

 

Kim Kardashian's Half-Assed Workout

Kim Kardashian's Half-Assed Workout

Get it? Cause you can only see half her ass in the photo, and it doesn't look like she's trying very hard.

 
liquidadmin Author Image

About Liquid Generation

By: liquidadmin
January 01 2009, 2:38 PM

About Us

 

Liquid Generation has been corrupting the internet since 2000. We make funny, irreverent entertainment for web junkies and procrastinators of all types. From cartoons to videos, from games to online pranks, we do it all and we do it awesome.

Whenever you’re alone. Whenever you want to avoid work. Whenever you have no one to hug.

Liquid Generation is here to serve you.

We Love You,

Liquid Generation

P.S. You can write to us at talkback@liquidgeneration.com

 

Talk to LG


We at Liquid Generation love it when friends, family, and personal enemies write to us with suggestions on how to make this website better. You should also feel free to email us if you find anything on the website that’s confusing, missing, spelled incorrectly, or just doesn’t work. We will promptly bring the wrongdoer out to the woods behind our office and shoot them to death.

However, if you just think that one of our animations, games or videos sucks, just keep those niceties to the comment section in each feature, loser.

You can email us at Talkback@liquidgeneration.com

 

Our Team

Tyrese – Imperial Warlord

Tyrese Abdul Salaam Mohammad is Liquid Generation’s Imperial Warlord. Not much is known about His Excellency, except that he’s evaded numerous attempts on his life by the rival warlords that once roamed the dangerous streets in his hometown of Highland Park, IL. Now in California, Tyrese enjoys bonsai gardening and yo-yo dieting.

Email: tyrese@liquidgeneration.com

Slippy Jenkins – Head Writer

Slippy Jenkins is the Head Writer at Liquid Generation. His responsibilities include the writing of things that are funny, as well as making sure that everything that goes up on Liquid Generation doesn’t suck. He and the LG creative team have been responsible for hundreds of popular cartoons, games and online tchotckies that have been seen by millions of people around the world and featured in the Chicago Sun-Times, Entertainment Weekly, Maxim Magazine, US Weekly, Defamer, Best Week Ever, G4TV, CNN, and one of his mother’s favorite “trash mags” Star Magazine, among others. He would like you to know that the previous sentence sounds really good when justifying his trade of penis & fart jokes to friends, family and potential girlfriends. Slippy Jenkins would also like you to know that his LG Sabotage screams are the direct result of pure talent and not of any vocal steroids, alcohol, street drugs, or other performance enhancers.

Slippy Jenkins currently lives in Los Angeles with his Roomba.

Email: slippyjenkins@liquidgeneration.com

Monkey - Creative Director

Monkey began his illustrious career on the Internet by freelancing as a web designer. He was well known for creating some of the gaudiest self-serving Flash sites on all of the internets. He quickly joined the ranks of LG when they were headed in the direction of a Teen Portal. Soon after, Monkey and the other early members of LG realized that a Teen Portal was not the direction they should be going in, they should be making funny animations and games. Monkey’s illustration talents soon came into play and he began illustrating and animating for LG. Monkey soon realized that his years as a failed musician could also come in handy. He applied his talents to making LG’s famous PopToons -- the internet’s most sought after animated music videos starring celebrities. But, Monkey had another talent that his mother didn’t even tell him about: voiceover acting. Ever since he found out the he was one of the most talented voice actors to hit the “web stage,” he began doing most of the voices on the site, and continues to do so to this day. Monkey loves long walks on the beach, and bragging about his title of Liquid Generation’s own Creative Director.

Email: themonkey@liquidgeneration.com

Helga Mohammed el-Salami – Chief Technology Officer

Helga Mohammed el-Salami, Secretary of Email Defense, Code Bitch, pre-operative transsexual.

Mr./Ms. el-Salami was an early convert to the Internet Revolution when, somewhere over a decade ago, he/she stole the source code from an early web page and boldly changed the header text. Since then, he/she has stolen code from tens of thousands of sources and appropriated it for Liquid Generation’s nefarious purposes. Some may have even been yours.

Several years ago, Mr./Ms. el-Salami had been charged with maintaining visitor satisfaction by serving as Liquid Generation’s email liaison. A job that, if judging by the volume of anger flowing through the mailroom, he/she has not been doing all that well

In his/her spare time, which we desperately try to minimize, Mr./Ms. el-Salami enjoys reading books and memorizing the Koran although he/she has had a hard time reconciling the teachings of the prophet with his/her desire to be the first trans-gendered lesbian. But regardless of his/her personal hurdles, Helga Mohammed el-Salami remains a soul seduced by the Internet’s romance. And its pornography.





 

Holiday Savings Tips

Holiday Savings Tips

Philip Norris walks you through his five step plan on how to save on the Holidays during the recession. Look out Martha Stewart!

 

Christmas Movie Shootout!

Christmas Movie Shootout!

A Christmas Story, Home Alone and Die Hard are three of the best Christmas movies ever, and now you too can join in the fun by shooting the bad guys from the movies! Yippee-Kayee Mother Funtimes!

 

Lizard McCain

Lizard McCain

Don't walk in his path or he'll eat you.

 

Katie Holmes Is A Giant

Katie Holmes Is A Giant

Tom Cruise can almost walk under her legs.

 

Lindsay Lohan Takes Her Boobs For A Walk #235

Lindsay Lohan Takes Her Boobs For A Walk #235

We're very happy that Lindsay Lohan's gotten her figure back. Remember when she was skinny? Those were dark days.

 

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