Good god, we have gotten so fat that our children are being born fat asses now. ABORT ABORT!

What happened Jennifer? You best pass that ass or we're going to change your name to Jennifer Love-Chewitt.

Cats with two heads mean twice the feeding times, but double the cuddle. Unless of course it’s a pissy ass cat… then its twice the eye scratching.

When are these fat asses going to get it through their fat heads? Lose the weight or you'll never be pretty enough!

Keep it classy Heidi. Yes that’s a camera and yes, that’s your ass.

Marcus and Julian spent the weekends performing awkwardly gay tricks for the crowds. One day, Julian saw his reflection in a mirror, mid flip, it was all down hill from there.

Wow, we don't want to be mean or anything, but this fat ass really needs to lose some weight.

After months of China sending us all their ass backwards products, the US finally retaliated by sending over Paris Hilton, in a free container marked "Penis Enlargement Cream."

This new F1 lawnmower is built for speed, comfort and the expedient removal of your limbs.

Building a bridge over a river bed, because you think you're the man? Well Nature came up and just crap slapped you. Sit your ass down!

This is a bad ass costume. We would even consider this "Super Green"!

Because you always wanted to see your apples kick mayo's smug ass.

This is the best hit on someone not playing football since Terry Tate was running around offices opening a can of whoop ass.

This is the health industry's answer to sugary food? Cooking with ass batter? No thanks pooh, that’s one rumbly in my tumbly, we don’t want.

This Halloween you can go as some dumb ass "sluty fairy", which we all know is just an excuse to act like a whore, or you can go as Wacko Jacko! Look at them eyes!

"3 days my ass, you get back here you sneaky devil! Set your Proton Packs to resurrection!"

This poor guy tattooed his wife and kids on his back only to find out she was cheating on him with a younger man. Maybe you can cover with face up with a kick ass rose!

Hell no, I am not going to smell that. I don’t care how long he has been missing. It looks like he was missing his ass by about 2 feet long before he even got himself lost.

This guy is going to get so much ass tonight! Oh, he just threw up on himself? LIGHTNING ROUND!

This is the best way to make sure the terrorists don’t win.