If every 12-year-old's fantasy came true like this, we'd have to re-write the pedophilia laws.

Short textParis really knows how to dance -- and act like a drunk, pantsless whore!

Here's an art house short film of Paris Hilton. It's so David Lynch dude. Totally. Indie till we die.

Director Vincent Gallo put Paris Hilton in a microwave and all he got was this stinkin' video.

Paris Hilton looks extremely bangable in this German Yellow Pages commercial.

Watch the uncensored version of Paris Hilton’s new music video Stars Are Blind. It’s sexier than her sex tape and it won’t get you in trouble if you watch it at work!

Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, Tara Reid and Jessica Simpson are not just a bunch of sluts – they’re a bunch of sluts on popsicle sticks! In this episode, watch them as they’re about to die in an elevator!

Everybody’s favorite celebrity sluts are back for another round of slutiness. This time Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, Tara Reid and Jessica Simpson talk about the latest gossip on their cellphones!

We though we’d do the world some good and offer you the complete and uncensored Paris Hilton Sex Tape.

One of Paris Hilton’s stupid boyfriends crashed her Bently into a truck. See the dumbassery unfold!

For Christmas we want Paris Hilton to give us a sponge bath.

Actually, we'd totally hit this.

Can you tell the difference between Mick Jagger and Steven Tyler's fat lips?

We hacked Paris Hilton's cellphone. Take a look at her photos, voice mail messages, and watch videos! Hope she doesn't sue us!

Paris Hilton is the world’s most famous non-celebrity amateur porn star. She is beautiful, rich and gorgeously anorexic. How Paris Hilton are you?