Cook and talk show host Paula Deen (OUR MOTHER LOVES YOU FOR MAKING OUR WHOLE FAMILY FAT, PAULA!!) was recently assualted by a flying ham. We hate it when that happens. We were once walking through the super market and a box of Twinkies just landed in our mouth and went straight to our hips. Swear to God!

What's with courgars these days? They're either screaming out of your TV box or they're looking like complete idiots on the dance floor. And yes, but "idiots" we mean Katie Couric, and by "Katie Couric" we mean "why the hell are we partly turned on by these photos?" With the way our tongue is on the floor right now, you'd think every 70-year-old woman who drops her cootchie on the dance floor like this turns us on, but no. Just Katie Couric. We only have eyes for Katie Couric and those gams. THOSE GAMS. 

We're gonna go shoot ourselves in the head right now, or you can do that for us. Whatevs.

She's coming for you. Run.

And here's the cootchie drop. Oh lawd.

Yeah, that's the face. It totally doesn't scream "I'M WASTED 4 DAYZZZZ" or anything. No, not at all.

Click here to see the rest of the photos.

We can all agree that punching a girl in the face is totally unacceptable. But what if that girl was excruciatingly annoying, gave birth to Dr. Phil and her name was Oprah? Would it be okay then? No, it wouldn't be. But after watching this video of Oprah screaming celebrity names for 25 years, we'd totally understand how somebody would want to kick the living crap out of their Oprah-playing television sets and then throw themselves off the nearest building, killing themselves and hopefully anyone else who saw this thing. Seriously, it's painful. It makes us think that anybody who's watched The Oprah Show for the last 25 years must be devoid of any form of sound judgement, or at least that part of the brain that makes you go, "Oh, CRAZY TRAIN ALERT! **CLICK** It's Maury Povich time."

One of the artists here (Heri!) really loves Twilight, but he likes to pretend he's so above it and makes fun of those (me) who show just an ounce of interest in the movie. Whatever. BELLA 4 EVAH!