DAILY TOP 10
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Cat Mistake
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When Someone Says Pull Over
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Another First
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Baby Goat
Views: 3538 -
Bar Fight
Views: 3484 -
Insane Bike Race
Views: 3437 -
Old Russian Man
Views: 3383 -
Sexy Flexible Girl
Views: 1778 -
Color Vision Deficiency
Views: 1001 -
Flawed Oil Change
Views: 770
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As some of you may have guessed, my thoughts on Christmas are a little conflicted. It's not like I have a vendetta against it like some people think. I mean, good for them. They managed to co-opt the solstice celebration. I'm not crazy about it, but it's not like I don't put up a tree and a few wreaths.
The thing that drives me nuts is the Santa Claus thing. Namely the notion that I invented Santa Claus to take the spotlight off Jesus during his birthday. Some say his name is "Santa" because it's just "Satan" with the "N" placed in front of the "T". I feel slightly insulted by the notion that I can turn into a serpent on a whim and tempt Eve out of paradise, but that when concocting a campaign to influence every Christian child in the world for hundreds of years I would just spell my name with a few letters switched around.
The road to professional sports is one of the most effective sociopath assembly lines in the world. Separated from their peers by talent as kids, pandered to as teenagers, and idolized as adults, today's college and professional athletes know that forgiveness is only one contrite press conference away. We keep track of their antisocial behavior and marvel at their sociopathleticism in the Sociopathlete Round-Up.
Sociopathlete: Brett Favre, Quarterback, Minnesota Vikings
Brett Favre has the distinction of making the sociopathlete round-up merely by playing his sport. His massive ego demands that he keep the spotlight on himself for as long as the media will indulge him. His head coach was just beheaded. His team is 3 and 7 after losing to division rival Green Bay by a score of 31 to 3. At home. He's owed a minimum of 17 million dollars for this effort. And in case you didn't hear, he texted a picture of his penis to a woman who isn't his wife. And it was flaccid.
Sociopathlete: Tony Parker, Guard, San Antonio Spurs
In the "shockingly sociopathletic" category, a Frenchman turned out to be a lecherous cad. Tony Parker didn't cheat on his wife with Erin Barry, wife of former teammate Brent Barry, according to Parker and his people. They were just sexting. Thanks, Tony. For a second we though you were a complete fucking asshole.
Let's see Tony Hawk Ollie the golden gate bridge with this board.
Bret Michaels Is A Busted Up Clown
This is the extent of Bret Michael's injuries after a prop kicked his ass at the Tony's last week.
Bret Michaels Is Almost Decapitated
So for some reason Bret Michaels of Poison was at the Tony Awards. Amazingly, a stage piece fell on him. Sadly, he didn't die.
Iron Man Trailer
In theaters 5-8-08. Robert Downey Jr. stars as Tony Stark/Iron Man in the first adaptation of the comic book superhero.
Jessica Simpson's Smurf Fetish
Tony Romo, there is no way to have blue-icing make outs and a respectable NFL career, it's just not possible.
America's Favorite Heroes
Sylar and Peter Petrelli can't compete with the power of Claire Bennett's two growing "superheroes".
Justin Timberlake's Super Bowl Ad
Why would Pepsi hire JT, Andy Samberg, and Tony Romo for a commercial? Because they know Coke is better, that's why.
Tony VS Paul
Paul calls Tony a jerk, and then they fight in an elaborately choreographed fight scene. This was done all in stop-motion video.
Santa Claus: Steady Mobbin'
Santa Clause returns this year with a slightly different image – not he's straight gangster! Looks like Christmas at Tony Soprano's house!
Scandalous: Jennifer Lopez
Tony Paparazzi is one of the world's greatest celebrity photographers. In this edition Tony goes after J.Lo!
