See what happens when scientists from the Planet Shaka Khan perform their tests on Hollywood Legend Tom Cruise. The results are shocking, strange, and morally wrong.

Not even a stuff bear will make Suri happy about having Tom Cruise as a father.

Tom Cruise can almost walk under her legs.

Katie Holmes is simply excited because Tom Cruise isn't by her side.

For all you ladies with Maverick fantasies, this is why he was cast, pilots are tiny.

When Tom Cruise gets crazy, he gets angry. And when Tom gets angry, he kills Oprah.

In theaters 4-11-08. Tom Ludlow is a veteran LAPD cop who finds life difficult to navigate after the death of his wife. When evidence implicates him in the execution of a fellow officer, he is forced to go up against the cop culture he's been a part of his entire career, ultimately leading him to question the loyalties of everyone around him.

Tom Brady is watching you young man, he's watching you like the Jets in Cover-2.

Do you want to wait months for the birth of Tom Cruise’s baby? Don’t worry, you can see all the action right here. Vaginal birth is cool!

Listen to what douche-baggery ensues when two Super Bowl quarterbacks talk to each other on the phone.

The hacker group Anonymous wants to destroy Tom Cruise now.

Tom Cruise even crazier! Hip hop like you’ve never wanted to hear it!

Craig Ferguson made the bold move to mock Tom Cruise's Scientology scandal, he should probably have someone else start his car for a while.

A parody of the hit 50 Cent song where Tom Cruise rolls into a candy shop to pick up the last remaining virgin in Hollywood : the young and innocent Katie Holmes.

Mr. Cruise is really very articulate in explaining his "religion" that every one else thinks is just an expensive SCI-FI Cult-RPG.

Let Tom Cruise tell you all about Scientology, Xenu and how you can give yourself a free auditing test!

This week Britney Spears is knocked up, Tom Cruise is a Mommy, and Carson Daly is still a douche bag.

Cyber skin removed, this is what Tom really looks like. No self respecting gay man should ever let himself get this fat. Queericide, it’s the only answer.