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You're going to end up at a lot of parties in the next 10 days. Some good, most horrendous. Here are a few tips for getting out of a couple bad holiday situations.
Problem: Bad Party with more old people at it than you expected. What I do: Guerilla warfare. There's a laundry list of things you can do to destroy a party from within. Number one is clog the main toilet. This can shorten a party by hours, and if it's a small apartment with only one bathroom, you could bring it to a screeching halt right then and there. The best way to do this is with paper towels. Toilet paper is made to break up in water; paper towels are made to keep their structure as well as possible. Smuggle paper towels into the bathroom. This might be tough to pull off; if people are around, do it one at a time, like how Andy Dufresne smuggled the pieces of his cell wall into the yard in Shawshank Redemption. When you have a bunch, flush 'em. Once the problem is known to the host, say something like "thanks for having us, looks like you've got your hands full, though!"
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Passing this photo of the new Vanity Fair cover around the LG office, nobody commented on Tiger's buff body, his cool skullcap or piercing gaze. The commented on his nipples. They are weird. I agree. WTF are wrong with them? They look like some type of mashed up food or those things that cover the screws in the furniture you buy at Ikea. Who the hell knows what's going on with those things. First person to tell us what exactly Tiger's nipples look like gets a hug from me. My nipples are amazing.

So Golf Digest got themselves into quite an awesome predicament. It seems their January issue features both Tiger Woods AND Barack Obama on the cover - together. They're practically humping each other. Really. This a great thing for Tiger. Appearing on the cover with Obama makes him appear like he's getting his stuff together, you know, hangin' out with the Commander in Chief, totally not hooking up with chicks as he's playing a round of golf. But it's a bad thing for Obama. Who wants to appear with a dude who's banged a third rate porn star? We would, but we're sleazy like that. Anyway, we want to make Obama's problem worse. Here are the new Golf Digest covers we came up with featuring the two BFFs.


(click here to see the third cover after the jump)
Here is the third – and final – part of our Escape From Scientology video game series, and it’s the most exciting one yet with tons of surprises. Prepare for a final battle between L. Ron Hubbard, Xenu, and then save the other mystery hostages.
Here's a leaked screen shot from one of Britney Spears' music videos. It's censored because her nipples aren't really that big a deal.
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The only way you can complain about this picture is that 1 second before and after this picture was taken you could probably see her nipple, which would have been nice.
One benefit to Lindsay's lesbian relationship is now she has a partner who really knows how to tweak a nipple just right; since she has access to her own set 24-7.
These boobs are a Thetan level IV. Don’t look into their nipples or they’ll destroy you.
Crank 2 will do very well in DVD rentals where teenage boys can enjoy the "film" in the proper setting.
This is the one piece of anatomy they don't cover enough on Grey's Anatomy, nipples!
The best part about this image is the fact that all you guys clicked on it, hoping to see big breasts. BUT IT’S A TRANNY, SUCKS TO BE YOU!
All summer Rihanna has promised we can stand under her umbrella. With this we become one step closer to seeing the nipple under the umbrella.
Anne Hathaway is proof that milk does a body good. However, sucking on your boyfriend's hairy nipple isn't a strong selling point.
Jessica Alba was apparently freezing on the set of her new Movie, "The Eye". Jessica plays a blind girl who doesn’t believe in bras.
Lily Allen was on a British comedy show and told the other guests she has a third nipple – then pulls it out to prove it! Surprisingly SFW!
I'm now convinced that Britney's 999% unsure as to how embarrassing paparazzi photos of her get released.
NSFW?? For all you far-reaching pervs and Petra Nemcova fans, here's a shot of her *almost* showing her nipple. Seriously, I've gotten more action off a JC Penney's underwear catalog.