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Yesterday PETA unveiled the latest ad for its "I'd Rather Go Naked Than Wear Fur" campaign, featuring Bethenny Frankel, member of People with Extraordinarily Little Talent Society (PELTS).
My Cheetah-lined hat is off to you, PETA, because your ads continue to intrigue me. I find myself thinking, as I cut into my still-mooing T-Bone, "Who is PETA's demographic?" Considering your recent choice of spokespeople, I can only assume that your research, presumably conducted by underpaid monkeys at typewriters, shows that your core audience is people invested in reality television. How else can you justify burning our retinas with the likes of Steve-O, Khloe Kardashian, and Karina Smirnoff? (You know it's bad when your last name is a brand and they still don't want you.)
It makes sense though. PETA's invasive studies done on bunnies, show that reality TV viewers are far less intelligent people who can be more easily swayed into giving up those necessary extravagances like fitted Dalmatian tees adorned with hamster noses, and squirrel-tail tampons.
And as for the rest of us, the nod-and-wink, upper-crust "Adult Swim" viewer? Manatee flippers make for a lovely corset.
Well, well, well. Aren’t we just the cat’s meow. And I say good for you, Tiger! Listen, we all get it; we’ve all been there. I mean, who among us isn’t a billion dollar entity who regularly dips the ol’

9-iron into a waitress’ wedge? It’s the circle of life! (And just a regular Tuesday, if you live in Florida or Nevada!)
But why is the media so willing to fault Tiger for these transactionsgressions? If there’s anyone to blame for Tiger’s “Mistress of the Month Club”, it’s his parents. Give your baby a porn star’s name, and what can you expect? It’s like naming a kid Jeeves. Or Ruth. One’s bound to fetch your smoking jacket; the other’s destined to become a hulking Eastern European who sloughs off the dead skin on your heels.
But Tiger’s parents’ poor name choices aside, what’s the big deal? Should the big-bucks sponsors like Nike and Cadillac really care what Tiger does off the tee? Because by my count, he’s just sticking with brand awareness:
Nike: “Just Do It”
Check.
Cadillac: “Re-imagined. Re-inspired. Re-invigorated. All designed to reignite the soul.”
Check.
AT&T: “Talk is good.”
If you’re a brand, check.
So by that logic, Tiger’s Sexy Times may just help our economy keep on going. His marriage may not, but that’s his parents’ fault.
Sure, being a porn star can be a pain in the butt (tee hee hee), but sometimes they get famous and make lots of cash. So, which famous porn performer are you the most like?
Here's Miss Moss looking atrocious, possibly at Glastonbury, wearing hideous Size -2 vinyl pants, Mick Jagger's discarded old black v-neck tee, and some sort of nasty lace shoulder jacket possibly stolen from a Goth linebacker. No wonder she's in love with a junky.
Choco-late Par-tee! Yay! Oh don't you look at my breast! Look at chocolate!!