To get publicity for his new movie, Optimus Prime released a sex tape. Host Lou Berk has the dirt.

Girls Gone Wild creator Joe Francis is in jail – and he’s filmed a sex tape! Everything’s hot and nothing’s consensual!

The Celebrity Proof Blackberry will protect celebrities who have the tendency to leave angry voicemails, film their own sex tapes, and snort a lot of drugs.

A clearly wasted Lindsay Lohan was caught on tape as she exited a club this past weekend, drunkenly stumbling into her waiting ride. Thank god she's in the passenger seat this time!!

Jenna Jameson and Paris Hilton are pegged to host a new reality TV series that basically gets virgins laid. It's being made by the same guy that released the Paris Hilton sex tape, so you know it's gonna be classy.

It's called boob tape, Jessica. Look into it.

Classic SNL skit where "Tom Brokaw" tapes possible outcomes if Gerald Ford were to die. I personally like the wild dogs attack.

This guy thought he could be in Full Metal Jacket. Now he just stars on the internets!!!

The video you’ve been searching for all over the internet is finally here! See Dustin “Screech” Diamond do the “dirty sanchez” with a very, very sexy lady! This is the celebrity sex tape you don’t want to miss! Uncut. Uncensored. Unreal.

Watch the uncensored version of Paris Hilton’s new music video Stars Are Blind. It’s sexier than her sex tape and it won’t get you in trouble if you watch it at work!

We though we’d do the world some good and offer you the complete and uncensored Paris Hilton Sex Tape.

If you haven’t seen the Colin Farrell Sex Tape, now is your chance. And please note: No blowup dolls were harmed in this video, only humped.

Suck My News Weekly is a slanderous look at the week's news, hosted by the cranky and awesome Philip Norris.