Don't Tailgate This Dude!
Dramatic Rescue of Dog from Freezing Sea
The Joy of Teasing Dogs
Edward Gory's "Mystery" Intro
"You Like Me, You Really, Really, Like Me"
Public Fornication- Underwater Style
Best Bus Stop Ever?
Hackers of Montana Station Warn of Unfolding Zombie Apocalypse
Human Mattress Dominoes World Record
Nicely done, mister, nicely done! The cops didn't even realize their car was missing until 911 calls started coming in about a cop car driving erratically. He escaped despite shots fired. Last we checked he was still on the run. Wonder how he finally got those handcuffs off...
We don't wanna spoil the ending, but this is one fat, Polish guy who knows his body; he's aware of its strength, limitations, and diameter (although his judgement was def off when he chose that swim suit). We don't know how he did it, but we suspect the secret lies somewhere within his turning over the inner tube before he started.
I'm starting to suspect Werner Herzog may have been right.
With a slick wrestling move.
Christmas. Yeah, we're going there. I never said this would be a smooth ride. Christmas is of course the celebration of the day Jesus was born and placed in a manger because there was "no room at the inn". Seriously? Who was running this inn? Messianic prophecy or not, it's a couple who had a baby 5 minutes ago, you can't make some space? Hell wouldn't even pull that shit, and we're talking about a place that dedicates an entire high-rise to gleefully forcing glass shards under the eyelids of false witnesses.
Christmas is also the beginning of Christmastide, the so-called 12 days of Christmas, made famous in the song of the same name. Allow me to take a breath before going into this one. Let's think about this. The first 4 days, the singer's "true love" - and I put that in quotations because I'm not sure I buy that designation for reasons I'll explain - gives her (Yeah, her. I've lived so long I stopped counting my age when we went from Roman to Arabic numerals, and I can tell you this: chicks don't buy guys multiple swans. Sorry boys, ain't gonna happen.) a partridge (with tree), 2 turtle doves, 3 french hens, and 4 colly birds. The song seems to suggest that these things are stacked every day, so on the first day it's a partridge in a pear tree, and on the second day it's 2 turtle doves and a second partridge in a pear tree, and so on. I'm going to assume that's not the case, and that each subsequent mentioning of a gift is a reference to the original, and not a duplicate gift. If I'm wrong, then what I took to be merely absurd is actually whatever is above absurd. Preposterous?
We always kinda suspected she tastes like pepperoini.
American Apparel just ended their Best Bottom In The World contest; you can see the top three butts right here. There were over a thousand entries, and the winner will be flown to LA for a special photoshoot, but if their really lucky they'll probably be sexual harrassed by CEO Dov Charney (yippee!)!
This competition is a little crazy. I mean, forget about the Top 3 Best Butts...here are the Top 20. For the life of me I cannot figure out what is wrong with any of these or how one can be better than the other. They all look the same and by "same" I mean I would shoot a dozen puppies just to see them in person. Don't believe me? Just try it, ladies! Come to my office and see what will happen!
But what about the big time losers in this contest? Did anybody really submit a butt that wasn't attractive? I clicked my mouse over a hundred times to find out.
THE TOP 5 UGLIEST BUTTS IN THE WORLD
Now, there were a bunch of people with scores of zero. We're not going to count those because they probably entered the contest late and their butts are just too nice to be losers, so we suspect there is a glitch in The Matrix. We just took the lowest of the scores that weren't 0.0. Here's what we found.
5. Carlos. Score: 1.24
Why did they let dudes enter this contest? A major fail on the part of the organizers. Plus, his photo is in black & white. Fail on top of Fail.
4. Alisa. Score: 1.22
I'm not sure where the ass is on this lady, or if it's really a lady. It could be a dude like Carlos. I don't really want to investigate any further.
3. JL. Score: 1.21
Hairy legs! A Sure winner we tell you (maybe in Afghanistan)!
2. Shyla. Score: 1.19
Am I missing something? Where is this lady's butt? Did it fall off on her way to the meth lab? I really want to know as to avoid the town she live in.
And the #1 Ugliest Butt In The World....
1. Raggedy. Score: 1.17
There is no cottage cheese in this woman's butt. It's pure milkshake. 2%. And thank God she's wearing black underwear. We don't really want to know what's happening behind that bikini.
You know how much strengh it takes to rip one's ass apart like that? We suspect steroids.
Suspect the person you love is secretly a douchebag? We're guessing he is, so take our quiz and prove us wrong.
In theaters 4-25-2008. Harold and Kumar 2, follows the cross-country adventures of the pot-smoking duo as they try to outrun authorities who suspect them of being terrorists when they try to sneak a bong on board their flight to Amsterdam.
In theaters 10-19-07. When an Egyptian terrorism suspect "disappears" on a flight from Africa to Washington DC, his American wife and a CIA analyst find themselves caught up in a struggle to secure his release from a secret detention facility somewhere outside the US.